THE HUMAN FACTOR

 Hey beautiful people, TGIF right?! We've all been looking forward to this weekend, I know I have. As someone I know would say "How dey go, dey go?". Hope you guys  have been good since I've been away! No naughty business.........

Let me start today's post by saying that I'm really upset with all these people who make the most amazing movies, they've ruined our perception on many things. Movies have so influenced us that we've come to expect what happens in movies born out of someone's imagination to be our own reality. movies or series (which I'm addicted to) have become the yard stick with which we measure ourselves, others and the world in general. Before you think I'm a movie hater or one of those puritans of the Augustan era who were against all forms of entertainment, I'm not. In fact, if you watch MTV you'll remember an old advert of theirs which had a slogan "Never give up your M". I'm just like that, I'll  never give up my M be it Music, my MUM or Movies!

It's just that real life is so far removed from what we see in these movies, friends aren't as great as those ones in Sex and the City.... relationships don't always work out like in the telenovellas, the bad guy doesn't always die, in fact when one dies another one springs up, they are like weed! The shy, good girl doesn't always get the handsome, popular jock like in the Disney movies. The only part I'm sure is true is what they tell us in all these end of the world movies, Africa doesn't get destroyed! No, think about it...... You remember 2012? Day After  Tomorrow etc nothing happens to Africa because everyone would get wiped off, there are no emergency services just for a fire outbreak..... imagine what would happen if the heavens started raining Fire and Brimstone! No, God is merciful, He knows there is hardly any hope in such a situation so He won't let that happen.

Oops, did I digress?


Anyway, back to the matter! People are just that. People. They aren't perfect, they will let you down, break your heart, betray you..... in MJ's words "Its Human Nature" to expect otherwise would be foolishness. They don't do it because they derive pleasure from all doing these things (though there are those whose hearts are blackened, they are of a different class entirely) but it just so happens that we aren't superheroes, we can be selfish creatures and are sometimes held captive by situations and circumstances! I always use this example, say someone promised 100 grand to pay your rent due on the 29th, the failure to pay would cause your landlord to evict you from your home. Morning of the 29th you call Mr promise but after several rings without a response; you send a text "Good morning sir, how was your night and how is the family? hope well, if so thanks be to God. Please sir, i hope you have not forgotten your promise to send me some money to pay my rent. and as explained my landlord has given us today as the last day to pay. I will be expecting something from you sir. May God bless you and reward you richly. thank you"
 (Lol, see the phrasing of that text. Isn't that the way you would send it?)


Long story short you never got a response from Mr Promise, via text, call or bank alert! He let you down. What's the first things that pops into your mind? He never intended to help anyway" Right?


Maybe right, maybe wrong!


Here are a couple of scenarios,
 Mr Promise was expecting a cheque from one of his debtors who had sworn to pay on the 28th, this Mr Debtor never sent the cheque and all atemps to reach him failed even till the following week and it was out of this money Mr Promise was going to send the money to Mr Can't Pay His Rent (Henceforth referred to as Mr CPHR)


Mr Promise being a good husband told his wife of his intention to give 100 grand to Mr CPHR and wifey says "what, which money? Lai Lai, what of the money you've been promising to send to mama in the village, so my mother is not important abi?" All attempts to convince her otherwise failed so because Mr Promise would rather have peace at home, he diverts the money to mama's account

Mr Promise, got wind of a super deal which would end on the 29th and being the sharp businessman that he is, sent all his available funds to China so he would be able to get in on that deal and have his goods shipped in from which he would make 500 percent profit!

Its also possible Mr Promise woke up and had a sharp pain in his right side, he was immediately rushed to the hospital where it was discovered that his appendix had ruptured, of course he was in surgery so he couldnt pick up his phone or reply any text messages.


And then maybe Mr Promise is just one of those wealthy people who would rather spend their money on a good time than help a dying man with a drop of water!


Either way it happened, Mr CPHR is screwed, he has been booted to the streets and as human beings we'll jump to the conclusion that Mr Promise is a wicked man.


Its the same in many other areas of human interaction, we are subject to our environment many times and may be unable to do anything to change what is or how things turn out. Doesn't mean we are evil.


People are bound to let you down, if I promised to come pay you a visit and then my car broke down right outside my gate or worse; my in-laws chose that day to come visit, what do I do?


I'm not so pessimistic as to say abandon hope in humans, infact I believe strongly in the human nature. Man has the potential and the ability to do great and amazing things. I'm only saying leave room for the "human factor" which will most times explain the "why"


The minute you understand that the only one who won't let you down is God, then all will be well. We do know as the Good Book has said "God is not a man" he is not subject to the things we are.You will begin to see things differently, be less disappointed or disillusioned.....

It will be easier to let things go! And when you are able to do that, you'll have a happier life!


Have yourselves a good weekend people. "Let the good times roll"

NEGATIVE ENERGY

"A complainer is like a Death-Eater, there is a suction on negative energy" Barbara Corcoran

If you are wondering who Death-Eater's are, you are one of those people who don't watch movies... You are beyond my reach... I can offer no assistance

Death Eaters are bad enough, Dementors are on another level....

here's how Lipin described them to Harry "Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself...soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

I dare say Dementors are possibly the scariest creatures ever, after my first "contact" with them, I didn't sleep too well for a little while, and from someone like me who prides herself in being able to watch horror movies without flinching.... that says a lot.


Far as I can tell, negative people are the closest to Dementors, only difference is that they don't "feed off human happiness" and don't seem to be essentially evil....

Ok Ok. Don't crucify me, comparing anyone to a Dementor may be taking it to the extreme, I just saw a lot of similarities in them!

There's enough negativity from one person alone without allowing others the opportunity of adding to it.

I'm mostly an optimist but I have random bursts of pessimism. Days when I can clearly see the sun in the morning but I'm convinced it will rain and so I don't do any laundry, days when even though I've done well in an exam, I manage to convince myself the lecturer is just evil and so the results won't reflect my hard work.....

Now imagine, someone echoing your negative thoughts, increasing scenarios of how everything will go wrong, assuring you that nothing good will happen...

Truth is, these people usually don't mean anything by it and they are just expressing their honest opinions from their perspective.... It becomes your choice whether or not you want to allow them take up space in your mind with their negative words.


I know some people who have the worst imaginations ever... If you let your guard down for a minute, your thoughts will be invaded by their negative words. Some girls are absolutely convinced that all men are unfaithful, can't be trusted, have no heart.... And some guys have the same feelings about women. If you hang around them long enough you will believe them. They have stories of how sososo's wife cheated on him and how he really wasn't the father of her two kids, of how Mrs Somebody's husband left her for her own cousin after four children and even booted them out of the house.

How about those people who are so disillusioned on the issue of wealth and prosperity, they see a car (I'm not talking just about a good or acceptable car. I'm talking "perfect will" kind) and they either say the person is a "yahoo yahoo boy", "a ritualist" or "a corrupt politician". Apparently these ones don't believe you can have a good job or business that pays in the millions, they have never heard of multinational companies where some top level employees earn as much as 50million per annum!


"Anyone that's negative shouldn't be a part of your life. Fill your life with people who can be positive and uplift you, people who have good positive energy".


Let's be realistic, there is no way you can completely separate yourself from some of these negative people, they share your office space, they are your siblings who live in the same house with you, could even be your parents... So do you cut them off completely?

I don't think so, I do one of two things, I change the topic or walk away. I can't begin to count how many times I've said .... "Anyway" (that usually means enough of that topic, I'm no longer interested, moving on!) the minute I no longer feel "edified" when conversing with a person.

Have you ever been in a bus, on a one hour journey and all the passengers seem to have made a pact to moan about all that's wrong with the country.... If you allow yourself to listen and digest all that negativity, you end up feeling bad or upset, let down and disillusioned... Major shout out to the inventor of the ear piece/headset, in the words of Chris Brown " turn up the music, turn it up louder" or read a book. Do whatever it takes to shut your mind from all that negativity.

Negativity steals happiness, it takes the sunshine and replaces it with dark clouds.....

Protect your happiness at all costs, guard against people who have a negative influence on your life!

Have a wonderful day!

ALL IN THE MIND

I woke up this morning extremely hungry so forgive me if I'm not too coherent. I'm not one of those super people who can function on an empty stomach....

First, I'd like to recommend Muyiwa Ademola's radio program, its a program that I'd encourage everyone to listen to, I just got on that train myself and so far its made my mornings infinitely more inspiring leading to a more productive day.

I know a young lady who is no doubt good looking but in my opinion she's not the tastiest looking cookie in the jar. However, there is no way you can convince her that there is anyone more beautiful, if you tell her your girlfriend is pretty, she'll be quick to assure you that she's prettier. Tell her about a cute girl you saw, she'll tell you she's cuter.

I used to just roll my eyes and release a deep sigh whenever she would go and on about how gorgeous she was but I realize that that was her reality and it did work for her. There is an instance I will never forget, we were all dressed up to go out one day and by all standards she was the worst dressed, I can't even begin to go into how bad .... On a scale of one to ten, I'd give it a minus three

So we arrived at our destination, and as usual I found the darkest corner, folded my arms to "observe". Before my very eyes I saw guy after guy after guy walk up to this girl and those that didn't have the spine to do so all had eyes on her... What?!

Years later it dawned on me that what your mind believes, becomes the reality. It might take a minute but it will eventually translate to what can be seen by everyone. Simply because she was convinced then there was a manifestation.

I've always wondered why anytime I made a specific hairstyle or decided to buy a new gadget, I'd start seeing it everywhere by the dozens. Some weeks ago, there was a wedding in my old neighborhood and the "aso ebi" was purple and suddenly it appeared everyone I saw that day was wearing purple, I thought it was just me till my friend commented on it.


The mind is an extremely powerful tool, use it. The Good book says ".... transform yourself by the renewing of you mind..." Decide what you want as your reality and watch it happen!

The mind is everything, what you think you become" - Buddha

Start convincing yourself that you are successful, confident, good looking, smart... And it will manifest!

Have yourselves a blessed weekend!

May Your Life Be Full

Yesterday I received news of the death of one of Nigeria's biggest make up artist, Adenike Ogungbe, AKA Ewar... I had never met her in person but we had correspondence via email and we had a mutual close contact. I was heartbroken, the circumstances that led to her death had goose bumps breaking out all over my skin. She died after childbirth. Apparently she had been trying for a while to have a baby and just when she did.... I have no doubt that for her family and friends, this must be bittersweet news.

Her life was short by many standards (she was only 32)  but it was full and that's what counts. She touched lives, was a giver, went places, met people, left a legacy and now a child... a piece of her. May her soul rest in peace.  Condolences to her family and friends, may the good Lord grant you the fortitude to bear the loss.

I'm always forced to sit and take a look at my life when I hear of the death of any person, especially one whose life was full. Life is short, even if you live to be a hundred, its still short. There will always be things to do, places to go, experiences to suffer or enjoy.... its best to cram in as much as you can with the little time we have.

I spend too much time indoors, though I have a great love for the outdoors so I'm set to remedy that, I'd hate to flash back over my life and find I spent all my time planning to do things rather than do them.

I hope I get to go mountain climbing one day (hopefully before I'm seventy) although I never want to go bungee jumping.

 As much as I can be, I'm gonna be spontaneous, and just do it! In light of this, I'm off to catch a movie today, Man of Steel maybe.

And since I like languages so much, I start chinese classes in a few weeks. Yaay me!

I dare you to live a full life, not just with the usual stuff but to have new experiences and try new things. I'll never forget the first time I went to a chinese restaurant, needless to say it was an interesting experience!

Yěxǔ nǐ de shēnghuó chōngmǎn!

WHY SO SERIOUS? (LOVE YOURSELF SERIES)

Laughter is a reflection of not only happiness but of joy. Its been scientifically proven that it reduces the chances of cardiac arrest and some other medical conditions.
It is one of the cheapest drugs available and I'm proud to say I'm an addict. In the words of Lord Byron, "Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine"

Most people take themselves way too seriously to laugh, they are constantly frowning, constantly bitter, always upset....

Its important to find humor in even the craziest of situations especially when they are temporal.

Being the extremely clumsy klutz that I am, some months ago, I was in a bus(my porshe panamera hasn't arrived) and as I was about to step out, I felt something pull on my best linen pants, I just knew it was torn. I had a feeling a little bit of my backside would be hanging out... And it was! I kept grinning like a fool, cos there was nothing to do about it. I got home and ended up laughing about it with my folks,I'm laughing right now.

I did say that was my favorite pair of pants, so I haven't thrown it away even though I know I'll never wear it again.

"To truly laugh you must be able to take your pain and play with it" Charlie Chaplin

 "If you can't make it better, laugh at it" Emma Bombeck. 

So, anytime I look at it, I start laughing all over again at how I must have flashed a small population of lagos...

I'm forever laughing at myself, the fact that I left home with blush only on one side of my face, or I got to class and apparently my hair was pointing in six different directions.... Besides I heard that if you can't laugh at yourself, you aren't allowed to laugh at others! And boy do I like to laugh at people,if you spend a week with me and my family, you are likely to come to one of two conclusions; that we are the happiest bunch of people or we are all clinically insane?!

Feel free to laugh at yourself as often as you can, no one will charge you a dime. Being overly self conscious gets you frustrated, anxious, worried and regretful; not to talk of boring and a sourpuss, life is too short so let yourself go, see the funny in situations, smile, giggle, laugh, then do it again... Its an expression of happiness, and when you are confident enough to laugh at yourself its an expression of self love!
"Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously."

And if you find you can't laugh at yourself, call me, (you know me now) I'll laugh at you for you! Have a funny day people!
I'd really like to know some of the funniest things you've done or that have happened to you. So leave a comment.
And big shout out to Tejiri Okene, one of the funniest girls I know, she thinks it no robbery to laugh at other people as much as she laughs at herself! Love Love Love

(LOVE YOURSELF SERIES) BEING AVERAGE

I decided to write this series because I have come to understand that loving yourself is the first step in the pursuit of "happyness". you can never be truly happy if you don't love the person you are.... quirks and all.

Being Average

I can see some faces all scrunched up right now.... The mere mention of the word average gets spines straightened and folks sit up! I'm sure someone out there's mantra is "Average is the enemy"

Being a middle child is hard.... Being the middle child with four siblings is harder... Being the middle child who isn't the only, first or last boy or girl.... well, that just sucks! It appears you are doomed to being unexceptional just by virtue of your position in the family (ask me, I know)


But is everything average so bad? Let's be clear, I'm not saying don't aim for excellence or don't aim for the best... I'm all for that, one of my motto's (I have a lot of them) is "I manifest the spirit of Excellence"! So yea!


There are different definitions of avrage, but today I think I'm gonna stick with the Merriam Webster definition. In math, average means " a single value, (mean, mode or median) that summarizes or represents the general significance of a set of unequal values!" That doesn't sound so bad right!


Now think about it, how many times have you described a person as average .... Oh Mr John Doe is not fat, he's not skinny either... He's just average. I know I have a way of making that sound like its better if he was fat or skinny. Oh she's not a bad girl, she not a saint either... She's just average. Average is forever being aached to "mediocre"


For me, I've decided to be positive about my averageness. Especially the ones I can't change (without resorting to the most drastic of measures) like my height, I really always used to wish I was just a few inches taller, then I would be "the tall girl" and then I used to wish I was shorter then I would be "the petite girl" I've decided that I'm "just right" Great height for a girl, cutting off the really short guys (apologies) especially since I'm a sucker for high heeled shoes, yet perfect for a tall guy (insert big grin) besides I'd like to be able to reach the top shelf without needing assistance!


Or the days I wish I was really skinny, or just a bit bigger.... Being skinny as far as I've come to realize has very little advantages (none come to mind right now except maybe being able to squeeze through a really tight space in a Mission Impossible movie?) How about the fact that clothes hardly ever look good on bones.... Besides, have you seen my neck? Let's not even bother with the other extreme.. So again, "just right"


I know what I'm about to say next will appear strange, but we've explained that there's nothing usual or ordinary about this girl... So brace yourself for this weird statement... "I'm not extremely beautiful by any standards and I like it" Why? I hate being objectified..... I hate being looked at like a piece of meat... Oh Lord, it drives me nuts. Don't confuse objectification with appreciation, I'd like to walk by and be appreciated but if all you can think about is "what she would look like with her clothes off" or you can never get past that to my personality... I saw "a friend" I hadn't seen in a while some weeks ago and we got talking, but just as we were to part ways, he asked me to "turn around!". GOD!!! I wanted to die! Like if I was standing right in front of a cliff, there wouldn't be a post today. So I've come to realize that my personality wouldn't go too well with "extreme beauty" (but who knows, maybe I'm just consoling myself.hehehe)


I could go on and on with the various things that would make me average, but I don't need to fit any mould, I rather like being unusual, makes me feel special. Gives me freedom to do whatever and be whatever. Besides someone somewhere will still have something against me somehow, should I care?

 In the words of the amazing India Arie "I'm not the average girl from your video and I ain't built like a super model but I've learned to love myself unconditionally, because I am a QUEEN"

Since God made me this way, then I'm not where near average, I'm PERFECT!


 If folks have complaints about an average person, why would you imagine that you would escape.... skinny or fat, short or tall... you mght as well learn to love yourself, you will definitely be a happier person!

Have a good day y'all!!!
b

A TEAM

Hi everyone,
Its been a minute hasn't it?! Shame on you Debourgeois, shame on you!
I do apologise and I have no excuses. I have 2 posts for each day for a while so I'm sure we'll catch up in no time!


Have you ever thought of the fact that just about everything, even the purest of things, is made up of a number of other smaller things?

The air we breathe has two oxygen atoms, water has two atoms of hydrogen with one oxygen atom!
Hmmm, let me stop there! I think that may be how far my knowledge of chemistry goes.. but you catch my drift don't you?
 And for we foodies, i can t imagine what  a "dish" made of only one ingredient would taste like!


The Good book says "two are better than one" "where one would chase one thousand, two would chase ten thousand" etc etc


Basically, its better to work with a team, as a sports expert (yea right!) I know that even when it appears there is only one player on the court, for instance in tennis, there is still a team in existence, the loss or win of a match depends as much on the player's skill as on the team's strenght! No matter how good the likes of Nadal, Federer, or the Williams sisters are right now, they couldn't have done it on their own without good coaches!


Long story short, you need a team. You can do it on your own, no doubt! You can make lasagna all on your own from scratch, you can prepare fried rice without help. I guarantee you though that it would be faster and easier if you had help, someone chopping the carrots while you dice the pepper or boil the rice. The time it would take you to cook a pot would be split in half leaving time to fry the chicken catch your favourite series or even soak in the tub!


A team enhances your strengths and covers your weaknesses, a striker wouldn't do so well as a defender and vice versa. I even have doubts as to whether a goalie would be a good defender, chances are he'd end up catching the ball with his hands half the time!


Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't be too proud to take help when offered even when its not absoulutely necessary! If we had all day, I'd go into how help is a gift from God to make life smoother! (Which is why I almost always take lifts)


Don't be unwilling to share the glory with teammates, you'll work yourself into an early grave, besides being all work and no play! We all despise a selfish player, who wants to score everytime or make the shot everytime and never thinks to pass the ball.Did I meantion I'm on team work hard,play hard? (I'm always on one team or another! Lol)


Keep an eye out for people who complement you, even if its your vision, you can't do it alone! You need help, you need a team! Find them and graft them in! Just think about it the way Jarod Kintz put it "I love team work, I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win"


And in the words of Abiodun Ajewole (yes I am the wise, deal with it) "Teamwork is help. You helping me. Me helping you"

Insert big smile here.
Have a wonderful day!
Hi everyone

A CAGE OF THEIR MIND

Everyone has an opinion. As a matter of fact, we are all entitled to at least one. I wonder how dull it would be if everyone thought the same, no one had an original thought in their head........ Extremely boring no doubt.


     It is our opinions that eventually inform our decisions, even the mundane things like what to wear on what day of the week. I have no qualms with personal opinions informing personal decisions. What I do have a problem with is shoving one's opinion down another's throat. Simply because you think your way is right for you doesn't make it right for someone else.

    
      We usually have a mould we expect people to fit into, to dress a certain way, look a certain way, never go beyond certain borders , and when they don't it becomes a problem. That person becomes an outcast.


     People are entitled to their idiosyncrasies, their expression of who they are, as long as it doesn't encroach on your rights or anyone else's, it really shouldn't matter. So what if your neighbour decides to cut her hair and dye it blue? or decides to pierce her nose. How does that affect the price of the blackberry Z10? And what does if matter if some guy in your neighbourhood gets a massive tattoo, as long as it doesn't magically appear on your skin, should you be bothered?


       People will be quick to say don't do this or don't do that, all because it doesn't fall within their definition of normal. For me conforming to the everyday norms is just boring and usually a sign of weakness, of fear. Fear to step out of the cage of conformity because then people will look at you like you are strange or weird..... I like strange, I like weird. Life's more fun that way. Life's too short to be trapped in a cage of someone else's mind.


    Explore the craziest recesses of your mind, decide who you are. Don't just go with the flow; the crowd is isn't always going in the right direction.

    

WHO IS A FRIEND? part 1

There are so many definitions of the word friend in the various dictionaries, i especially like the definitions in the free online dictionary and wikipedia. I chose to combine both parts of the definition thus

 "A friend is a person whom one KNOWS, LIKES and TRUSTS and with whom one has a bond of MUTUAL AFFECTION"
 

For me this are all the characteristics of friendship.


1)A friend is someone you know. There are certain things a person must know about the other before they can be called friends, I'm not talking about mere on the surface stuff like their educational qualifications, the number of siblings they have, their state of origin etc its things like their opinion on certain topics, their attitude towards a thing, their behavioural traits, their strenghts and weaknesses

 "A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same" Elbert Hubbard

I have a friend who has extremely radical views on the issue of abortion, boy-girl relationships and the likes, I have a friend who is always late, as a matter of fact, to get her to be  on time for an event, you probably have to tell her its 2hours earlier.... I have friends who know my favourite part of chicken


2) A friend is someone you like. Honestly, I can't imagine anyone being friends with someone they can't stand, whose every action gets on their nerves. Its not as though there are no sides to a friend that don't get you frustrated, but the likable and agreeable must exceed the unlikeable and disagreeable.


3)Trust is an essential part of friendship. A friend is someone whom you can trust, any day of the week. Someone who you know would never hurt you intentionally, would never say bad things behind your back, who would never go all out to "snatch' your boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband.... It really amazes me when I hear stories of how a person's "best friend" "snatched" their fiance. I guess that's why some folks hide their relationships from their so called close friends, cos deep down you know they can't be trusted.

I saw an episode of Mtv's Disaster Date sometime ago, Pauly D and had set Deena (casts of Jersey Shore) up with this horrible guy and although she was upset, when the guy said some nasty things about him, she was quick to jump to his defence, that he would never say or do such things. I thought wow, here's friendship!



4)Friendship is never one sided, there has to be mutual affection for it to exist. The best stories of friendship in the world are the ones where both sides feel the same way about one another. David and Jonathan for instance, their friendship was definitely one that should teach what true friendship means. Jonathan was willing to against his father to protect his friend, and at the time of Jonathan's death, David mourned and declared a period of mourning in the land for his departed friend. I'm sure when Aristotle  was asked "who is a friend"and replied "a single soul dwelling in two bodies", he meant these guys.



My favourite character in Lord of The Rings is Samwise Gamgee, Frodo's gardner and later friend who was saddled with the responsibility of ensuring Frodo's mission was successful. If he had at anytime turned his back on Frodo, the mission would have gone downhill, I remember one scene where even though he was hungry he gave his food to Frodo, he even had to carry him at one point. AWESOME!
You might say its just a story, but I like it.


I saw an episode of Scare Tactics (i watch way too much TV!) and a girl had set up her friend in a place where apparently there was a killer on the loose. She saw her friend tied up and the guy was about to chop off her head, she pleaded with the guy and so he gave her an option of taking her friend's place...... and without taking a beat she said yes. This was true life and she didn't know she was on camera. "what greater love exists than that one should lay his life down for his friends"


I don't know if I have friends that could do the same when faced with similar circumstances and I don't know if I would be bold enough to do so either but I certainly hope I would.

THE THING TO DO

Everyday we make choices, what time to get out of bed, a choice on what to wear, what to eat...... Simple everyday choices.


Then there are those choices we don't make as often, what electives to take in school, who to vote for in an election, where to have the next vacation......


Another class of choices include who to allow into our circle of friends, who to marry, our mentors.....

Mostly conscious choices...... some you reach only after weeks and months of debate, of weighing the pros and cons. Sometimes independently, sometimes as a group or unit.


The other day I was in a bus and I had paid my fare waiting for my balance. On receiving my balance I called the conductor's attention back because I felt he had given me 20naira extra on my balance, it was then I realised that I was wrong, that was the exact balance.


The person sitting next to me said "so if it was his 20 naira, that's how you would have given him truly. Do you think if it was yours he would be in such a hurry to return it to you?" I just smiled and said nothing(I hate having conversations with strange guys in the bus)


I did consider later what the guy said, that the conductor wouldn't have been so quick to return the extra but that wasn't my concern. Not because I was the most honest of people, it was merely the right thing to do.



We sometimes make wrong choices because we allow other people's possible or perceived choices, if faced with the same scenario, to affect ours. We think, if it was the other way around, what would he have done, what would she have said.......


I once heard a story of a soldier who on making it past enemy lines, realised his friend was still trapped behind enemy lines. He went back alone in search of his friend and both made it out alive. Barely. His friend confessed to him years later that if positions were reversed, he wouldn't have returned for him. The soldier replied that he knew. His friend was shocked and asked why he did it anyway, he said it was because he was confident that he would be able to make it back alive even if he returned. To return for him therefore was not based upon what would have happened if he had been the one trapped but on his ability to make it back in one piece!


Whoa! The soldier made a choice to save his friend knowing his friend would not have done the same.The day after I heard the story, I was heading to my house when I saw my neighbour's recently washed clothes on the floor, I honestly did not want to pick them up because I knew he would have merely walked on by, then I flashed back to the story and asked myself what the right thing was? It was to pick up his clothes and put them back on the line, so that's what I did. I walked back and did the right thing (even though I was really annoyed)

Choices should never be about what the other person would have done, it should be about the right thing to do.

 

LITTLE THINGS (PART 2) CONSEQUENCE

Finally, I decided to complete the little things series....... but I just might revisit it sometime soon. Again!

Let me begin with a quote

 "What we call the little things are merely the causes of great things, they are the beginning, the embryo ....... A black speck may be the beginning of a gangrene, of a storm ....."

A few months ago my phone was stolen, out of the bag I was carrying. How come? I didn't close the zip (the reason I didn't is a story for another day)


One time I had this really cute cream and brown bag, I forgot a piece of cake in it overnight and by the next day rats had eaten their way through the bag to get to the cake. The bag was ruined!!!


Imagine this, you bought a new TV set: flat screen, LED, 3D, 110 cool inches bla bla bla, then after taking the time to read the manual you chose to ignore the fact that you would need a stabiliser. Pray Heaven forbids high voltage (especially if you live in Nigeria)


Or say, the brake fluid of your car leaks a little bit everyday and you decide it isn't a big deal....... to that, I call the words of Benjamin Franklin " A small leak can sink a great ship"


You are dating a guy who almost seems perfect except for the fact that he has no control over his temper and ever so often he screams at you at the top of his voice even when he ought to have let it go. Sweetheart, ignore it if you choose, but I see a black eye and broken nose in your future.


I saw the movie Contagion a few nights ago, it was about a new disease that had begun to spread at such an alarming rate that the whole world was gripped in fear, the best scientists in the world could not trace the roots of the virus. Lots of people died and serious money was spent before a vaccine was created. At the end of the movie we discovered that the virus was from a pig, a chef had touched it, didn't wash his hands, shook the hands of a lady ..... that marked day one of the existence of the virus.

All this happened because the chef failed to wash his hands. Amazing!




Choosing to ignore or failing to pay attention, to the little things will cause you to lose big things or suffer great loss.



I'll just end here with what Barton Bruce said

"Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things, I am tempted to think there are no little things"

THIS NEW YEAR

Happy new year everyone, i am super excited to be writing again, after taking such a long break.

I do love the idea of a fresh start, a new page, a chance to do it again . . . .  that's why i sometimes call the new year A RE BEGINNING. For me, the new year is always an opportunity to say to myself " do it again"

Another cool thing about the new year is that, because its a fresh page, it has lots of lines to write on, so when you find at the end of a line, that a mistake was made, you cancel and go to the next line.

I asked a friend yesterday if he had any new year resolutions, and he just smirked like i was being silly. so i told him i understood why he thought that was funny, no one makes resolutions anymore, they are old school and since people realised they are never able to do or not do whatever the resolution was, we all stopped making them. Then I asked a different question, I asked if he had any specific goals for the year, any targets he had set etc and he said yes. Then I asked again if he had new year resolutions and he said yes.

A resolution is really nothing more than having a resolve to do something, a firm determination for something to be done!


I would be worried if i knew anyone who has decided to let the year pass without doing something different or something better than last year. Short of someone wiping your slate clean and turning back the hands of time, the new year is one of the best opportunities to start afresh.


I have a number of "resolutions", small things really but its a decision nevertheless. Stuff like praying a bit more, doing one nice thing for someone everyday(i am proud to say i have kept this one so far), appreciating the people and things i have.......


Did i leave out exercising?


The one thing though about resolutions is that they involve an action. TO DO, you will hardly come across a definition of the word, at least in this sense, without to do, to be done, a plan to do etc showing up!


What I've realised is that we make these resolutions and literally leave them where they drop! Without any action; any conscious, preplanned course of action, resolutions are no different from making wishes. It won't do you any good.


So I know some folks(like me) have been making the same resolutions over and over again, we even decided not to call them resolutions again. I mean that's redundant. But truly a spade by any other name is still a spade, so lets just call a spade, a spade!

Last year your new year resolution was to stop smoking, and you did.
For the first four days. After that you just forgot about it and continued as usual.

One thing I've come to realise is that good things, most times, don't come easy but we give up too easily.  Forming a bad habit is probably one of the easiest things to do, forming a good one or leaving a bad one is hard.

Some resolutions are solo efforts, where you require no external assistance. Some aren't. Those ones simply cannot be done alone, without a support group (could be just one person) it might be impossible to achieve. What do you imagine AA(ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS) aims to achieve.

I always tell my "smoker" friends to stop hanging out with fellow smokers if they really want to quit, and hang out with folks who don't, but that seems like a crazy idea!

I mentioned being grateful as one of my new year resolutions and i couldn't think of a better way to be reminded of that decision than to see it everyday on my blackberry (and i look at my blackberry a lot). My status on BBM says ABOUNDING IN THANKSGIVING, each time i see that i think of a reason to be thankful and so far its working. Not so crazy, very simple really but effective nonetheless.


My point is, to achieve whatever you set out to do this year, you need to do something different from what you had done previously or to do something better than you had done before. It might be something totally crazy or something extremely simple but something must be done!


I put it to you(debate language) that the simple formula for achieving that new year resolution is
A PLAN (SOMETHING DIFFERENT or SOMETHING BETTER) + A CONSTANT REMINDER . Some formulae might even include A SUPPORT GROUP

It won't be easy, I imagine there will be days i feel like there is no reason to be thankful or I'm not feeling particularly nice, but I will keep at it. Even if I missed out for a while, I will "do it again"

So, if you are like me and have a new year resolution, to quit smoking, to get out of an abusive relationship, to get a new job, to pray more.......... whatever it is, keep at it and when you didn't, do it again. Its like saying, oh I didn't write in my diary for the past week so I won't bother writing again! That's just ridiculous.


Have any new year resolutions to share, or the craziest resolutions you've ever made? Leave me a comment!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

FACE YOUR FEAR BUT SHOW NO FEAR

Some time this week I had to run an errand for my mum. Little did I know that I was gonna have to pass through the "valley of the shadow of  death" / the "belly of the beast" to get there.


I had some problems locating the place at first, till I stumbled upon a gentleman who was kind enough to walk me to my destination. On arrival though, the gentleman departed and I knew I was going to have to face the journey back alone.


After a couple of hours, I had completed my business and it was time to leave. Just as I thought, the terror still awaited me. However, I had recently seen a movie about a guy who entered a lion's cage in the zoo to fix the gate, he was scared but he showed no fear and stared down the lion when it approachd him. So, I decided I would show no fear, I would act as though I belonged and it was "sure for me".


I was midway through when I hit a little roadblock in the form of puddles of blackened germ ridden water, I was more afraid of falling into the water than I was of the dragons around me so as I approched the little bridge , I stumbled and then I squealed ( just like a girl). That was a huge mistake because I had exposed my weakness and I had shown fear. Before I could blink, the dragons had approached me and were sending threats in my direction, but I quickly pulled back my armour and managed to escape unscathed.

That got me thinking on my way back home, that my perceived lack of fear was what got me out of that situation. Even though I was in a state of panic and I was filled with dread, I managed to cover it up with a facade of confidence.


I decided then that it was ok to be afraid, to be scared, as long as the fear did not cause you to freeze when you had to flee or flee from situations that had to be faced. I thought back to a quote from Mandela "I learned that courage is not the absnce of fear, but the triumph over it. A brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers his fear"

It hit me then, that the horror movies were right, the monster or whatever bad guy fed on fear, for instance FREDDIE in 'The Nightmare On Elm Street" or "Freddie vs Jason". "The Hole" is a classic fear based movie, everyone of the actors had to face and fight their fear .........or die, they had to expose themselves to their deepest fear and one that was done, they were free.

Fear strenghtens whatever we are afraid of, gives it an advantage over us. Exposes our weakness when we ought to show strenght. We all have fears, it is what we do about it that makes the winners and the losers. I daresay "only a fool has no fears. a wise man knows what he fears, looks it in the eye and walks away"

I have an irrational fear of cockroaches, but that does not mean if I found one on my bed I would run away! If I did, I probably ran to pick something to kill it with.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

 And as Joel Osteen said "Faith activates God, fear activates the enemy". Need I say more?

A LITTLE THING CALLED KARMA

Yea yea. You've heard it before, "what goes around comes around". The line has been used in so many songs, so many books, movies, poems. So I wonder why we choose to ignore such an amazing bit of wisdom.

All its saying is that life is a cycle. Even the earth has a circular shape, and its constantly spinning, going round and round as it has done since the beginning of time, always returning to its starting point to continue the cycle.

Any farmer knows that if you intend to reap a harvest of yam, you don't go planting cassava. They may look alike but they aren't the same, so no matter how much you wish the cassava would become yam during harvest season, it just won't happen. Or say you intend to reap a harvest of cucumber, you don't plant carrots and then hope for the best or pray for the best.................! You simply must plant cucumber.



There is a reason the bad guy always has a terrible end in the movies, its just the law of karma at work. It always seems unfair when in real life it appears as though the bad guys have made a clean getaway, I daresay however, that its not true. The bad guys never escape, we might not know where or how or when, but karma always catches up.

I read a book once which was also adapted for film titled "THE LOVELY BONES",  a story about a young girl who had been raped and murdered by a pedophile. I could tell you the story, but you should just see it for yourself. Anyway, we all thought the guy had escaped and would continue his raping and murdering spree when he met his end. For me, there could have been no better revenge for all the evil he had done but the family of the girl and of all the other girls he had killed didn't know he had received due recompense and would probably never know.


That didn't mean he had  made a clean getaway.


They say revenge is a meal best served cold. But i say, don't bother serving it at all, it takes too much planning and scheming to do what would happen naturally. If you have read Sidney Sheldon's The Best Laid Plans, you understand what I'm talking about. Personal revenge has no guarantees, it may or may not work out the way you imagined, so why waste time and energy when its bound to happen anyway.

The law of Karma is as sure as the law of gravity, possibly surer, because there are ways to defy gravity, but no escape from dear old Karma.


Karma is the law of seed time and harvest.
Here's a scenario, you work in an organisation, you embezzle funds. SEED. You leave the corporation, start your own business, after 10 years it grows into a big company. TIME. A couple of your employees get together, decide to embezzle funds or sell your company secrets to a rival company or forge your signature and sell your company. HARVEST


Here's another one. You are the player of the century, every girl is just another conquest. As far as you are concerned they are all stupid for not seeing through how phony you are. All I will say to that is , I have met a number of players in my life, most are married now and they all have daughters.


So, you are the hot cake all the married men demand. You have no issues with breaking up someone's marriage, yet you think you have a right to a happy home when you do decide to settle down? Or your kids have the right to spend quality time with their dad? Cool story babe!

Never think Karma targets the bad guys alone, it punishes the bad guys just as it rewards the good guys. Be kind to a stranger and you will receive kindness from those you didn't expect. Speak up for the underdog and advocates will be raised for you. Give and you will receive.

Remember that a small seed grows to be a huge tree.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

A couple of things first struck me before i began writing this.
First, can i still spell? I haven't written anything for about two months, so yea, that was the first question.
Secondly, will anyone bother to read this? Its been a while so i imagine folks must have given up on this blog.


Lots of other stuff crossed my mind, but those don't matter anymore. I'm writing and that's what counts. Its what I love to do and  really, that's what counts.
As i continue writing, I remember there is such a thing as spell check, so lets cross that off the list of things to be worried about. As per the second one, I write first for myself before anyone else, if anyone reads it and learns from it, its an added bonus.

I've never been much of a worrier, honestly, I'm find too many things funny so there is no way i can continuously worry about one particular thing. I lost my blackberry two months ago with all my contacts, my songs, videos, pictures...........  I was sad for about half a hour then I said "oh well, much ado about nothing" sitting here moping won't get the phone back so lets get on with the show. I'm not joking, I said that to myself.


Everyone who claims to know me, knows this. i like to laugh. I was somewhere two weeks back and i was listening to Gordons' comedy tape and it was hilarious and all i did was giggle a little, smile etc. however, if i had been at my house listening to that i would have been on the floor rolling around in fits of laughter.

I have a friend who calls me a Galatian, because its like I never have stuff to think about. But that's not the case, I do have stuff that bug me sometimes but before i burst into tears over spilt milk, I weigh my options. What will crying solve? Nothing.

There's a little mantra I say so myself "Abbey, don't worry about it; think about it" As human its only natural to worry, its a part of what we are. It now becomes your decision to keep worrying about it or to do something about it. I'm sure a couple of people wondered if there was a difference between worrying and thinking. Well dearly beloved I bring good news....... there  is

 To Worry, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary is "to think about problems or fears: to think or show concern because you think something bad has happened or is about to happen"

 To think on the other hand, is "to use your mind to understand or decide something"

I'm sure we all studied mathematics at some point and had to solve a number of mathematical questions. Well imagine you had a question like this "a mother is three times the age of her son, if she was 49 ten years ago, how old is her son now, if the son is 8 years older than his sister, at what age would the mother be twice the age of her son, and the son twice the age of his sister?" what would you have done, worry about the question? or think about the question? I can assure you that if you chose to worry about it for 5 hours, that would have amounted to nothing, you wouldn't have been any closer to finding the age of the son than you were when you first began worrying. If on the other hand, you had thought about the question, you could solve it in under 20minutes. {just in case you are trying to solve this, let me know what the answer is, if it has one. i came up with the question myself, so it probably can't be solved, but think about it and let me know}


Here's another scenario, you have a small business that needs to grow, so you spend every minute worrying about it, let me assure you, you are no closer to a bigger business than you were at the first stage. I have never met Bill Gates or Aliko Dangote or Otedola or most of those people who run these big businesses but I'm certain they didn't worry their businesses into what they are worth today.  They had a business plan, outlined their options, weighed them and thought it out before taking big risks and making vital decisions.

I daresay, that anyone who, in the words of Gordons, has moved from plot to kilometre, or to permanent site must have have thought about it. People who worry, have only worry lines and high blood pressure to show for their effort(or the lack of it) while people who think win lifetime achievement awards.

Thinking and worrying are verbs, which usually mean "doing something". However on close scrutiny, you find that one is passively doing something while the other is choosing to actively do something. You can worry anytime, anyday, anywhere, without making a conscious effort. Worrying is as unconscious and as easy as breathing. The opposite is the case for thinking, thinking requires consciously making full use of the mind. Its possible Einstein sat under that tree worrying about something before the apple dropped on his head, but we know he didn't keep worrying about the fact that the apple fell on his head, he instead set out to understand why the apple fell. It was a conscious decision.


Many times, when we have decisions to make, we insist we have thought about it when all we have done is worry about it. Worrying is so closely tied to feelings and emotions that it clouds the ability to make sound judgement or any kind of judgement or decision at all. Worrying in my little experience has never solved any of my issues, so there is no point. I don't worry, i think.


And in the words of the great Rene Descartes "I think, therefore I am"

ON LOSS, FORGIVENESS AND LEGACIES (from Thoughts in a Diary)

According to research, there are two major types of pain; acute and chronic. Acute pain is short term pain while chronic pain lasts a long time. Childbirth. having a tooth pulled out and some types of cancer have been regarded as some of the most painful experiences a person could have.


As far as I can tell however, nothing beats the pain of losing a loved one. No pain could be more chronic, and although the pain lessens with time, it never completely goes away. We find strength from what memories they left behind and the belief that they are in a better place and in the knowledge that they would expect us to keep living and living it to the fullest. (If you've seen the movie P.S I Love You" then you know exactly what I'm talking about.)



Yesterday, I received heartbreaking news about the death of a classmate, Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. Although I didn't know her so well, I knew she was a cute, gentle, easygoing girl and all those who were close to her only had good things to say about her. She had been ill, but from all indications she appeared to be getting better. As I grieved for her I remembered another classmate and friend I had lost. Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake. A gentle, ever smiling spirit who died in a car crash about three years ago. I remember receiving the news like a blow to the head, someone I had seen less than a week before and had spoken to on the phone even after that.
I remember saying to myself that if I was in that much pain, then her family who had known her all her life would be devastated and inconsolable.

What was most traumatising for me was that the last time I saw her we had a little argument where I had said harsh words and even when she called after that, I was less than friendly. Who would have thought that would be the last communication between us. And for what? A stupid meaningless issue! It took a long time to get over that and now I still wish the last time I saw her we had hugged,  shared some jokes and I would have teased her like I usually did.


I promised since then never to let a loved one go away with harsh words between us, I can't say its a promise that I have kept but whenever I remember that promise I try to make good on it, because when you think about it whatever it was that caused the rift is temporal, not worth as much as that loved one.

The gospel of forgiveness has often become one closest to my heart because no matter how much our loved one hurt us or how much we hurt them, I'd like to believe it wasn't done with the intention to hurt us. If you love someone you don't go out of your way to hurt them. Many times, it just happens.


When I think back I can't think of any bad thing to say about my friend because she was always smiling, always happy. Even when you annoyed her she would be unable to keep an angry face. Sometimes, I think God just let us have her for a while, to touch everyone she met with a smile, to brighten up our days if only for a little while. Her heart was pure.


I hope to one day found a charity organisation, to do some volunteer work for the U.N, adopt a motherless child, or at the very least,  I hope to live my life in a way that when I'm gone those who knew me would  wish I was still around. That the memory of that one thing I said or did would forever stick, and never fail to make them smile.
I hope I helped a stranger in need, encouraged a friend, prayed for a brother. . . . . . . This is how I plan to live forever.



Dedicated to the memory of two beautiful ladies Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake and Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. You remain unforgettable in our hearts.

                                                                                 Adesewa                                                                                 

 

Fiyin

ITS POSSIBLE

This morning, as i was perusing the recent updates of my bbm contacts, i came across a pm that inspired today's post .

        "Difficult does not mean impossible"

Everyday, we are faced with tasks and challenges, some easily surmountable, some daunting, some seemingly impossible, but as I am coming to realise, nothing is really impossible.


 A couple of years ago, I did a course which was arguably one of the most difficult courses I have ever come across, it made me realise why some of these professors, especially in the fields that have to do with mathematics and calculations, come off as having gone a little off the rails.


What was this course? Deductive Logic.
I do realise that it may not be so difficult to others, but for someone whose knowledge of math is restricted to simple additions and subtractions (seriously, if you start to ask me anything like -2 +4, you are so on your own), with hardly any science background; it wasn't easy business.
The start off point was to learn "the rules of inference", they were 9, if i remember correctly; there was modus ponens, modus tollens, simplification, constructive dilemma, disjunctive syllogism .........
I remember the ones with the two names were the most difficult, for instance, the rule of Constructive Dilemma (C.D)
(p > q) . (r > s)
p v r
:.q v s
 What in heaven's name is this? What has English language got to do with whatever this was? Anyway, I remember all my classmates were as lost as i was, where did we start from? Then I said to myself, "madam, if you know what's good for you, when you get home start learning this thing, since no one knows it, who will teach you in the exam hall?"

And that's how I started, I began to study the rules backwards and forward, inside out, as a matter of fact, I was always walking around with a piece of paper and a pen, to test my self to see if I really knew it. Walking along the road, I would be reciting and drawing symbols in the air like a crazy person!  And eventually. I knew it. Hallelujah!

Just as I thought the war was won, the rules of replacement was introduced. Alas, that was merely the battle. This was far harder, more complicated. These 10 rules were ridiculousness reduced to symbols. They were De Morgan's Theorems, Material Equivalence, Material Implication, Distribution ............. This time it didn't matter if it was one or two names, they were all difficult
For instance, the rule of Distribution (Dist.)
[p .(q v r)]= [(p . q) v (p . r)]
[p v (q . r)] = [(p v q) . (p v r)]
(Please note, some of the symbols are wrong, because i couldn't find them on the keyboard. lol, so I used the closest equivalents)
I beseech someone to explain this to me.......... this is crazy, am I trying to find the molecular density of mars?!
But once again, I returned home, determined to lay these rules flat on their backs. So the cycle of craziness continued.......
To cut the long story short, I mastered the 19 rules, so much so that I began to teach my classmates. I was unstoppable, I had  40 in the test, and the total scores attainable was 40! Of course I had an A in the course. And now, till the world ends Deductive Logic would always be my *****



 The point I'm trying to make, if you haven't gotten it by now, is that nothing is impossible. Just 'cos its difficult doesn't mean it can't be done.



Centuries ago, I'm sure man had never thought it possible to go to the moon, but now Galactic Suites is scheduled for opening this year. In space. And that's how the moon in a short time will become a tourist site (although I'm not gonna go oo, that's how those horror movies start).


We look at the sky now, and think its impossible to touch the heavens, but do you remember the story of how men purposed in their hearts to build a tower that would reach the heavens and God saw that they could do it. He had to put a stop to it because it could be done. I'm sure it would have been a difficult task, but it wasn't impossible. He knew what he had created. As Jean de la Fontaine said "man is so made that if anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish"

Do you know that about a hundred years ago, scientists stated that man could not run at a certain speed? Do you know that Jim Hines broke the 10.0 barrier with a 9.95 in 1968 and even then he held the record for 15 years before it was broken by Calvin Smith?
     Charles R. Swindoll said  'Alleged impossibilities are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched"
  Now this speed demon called Usain Bolt is closer to breaching the 9.50 barrier any moment. At these kinds of speeds I forsee a future when man begins to disappear and appear wherever he chooses.


I saw the preview of a movie recently, based on a true life story about a man of 90 years who had enrolled in school so that he could read a letter which the president had sent to him. WOW, talk about difficult!

 God bless whoever changed the word impossible to I'm possible.

Who said its impossible to graduate with a first class? Who said it was impossible to win a Grammy because you are a Nigerian? Femi Kuti has been nominated. Twice. Might asa well prove its possible and win.

Anytime I say something is impossible, chances are I'm just too lazy to get up and get it done. Bishop Robert South put it perfectly when he said "It is Idleness that creates impossibilities, and where people don't care to do anything, they shelter themselves under a permission that it cannot be done"

I will leave you with 10 quotes to ponder upon today and whenever the word impossible comes to mind

With God, nothing shall be impossible - The Bible

It always seems impossible until is done - Nelson Mandela

There is nothing impossible to him who will try - Alexander The Great

The word impossible is not in my dictionary - Napoleon Bonaparte

“You think embracing the longing while waiting for the right man is impossible? Well obviously you didn't get the memo.”
― Osayi Osar-Emokpae, Impossible Is Stupid  (this one appeals to this Quirkyalone)

Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities. - Aristotle

Never interrupt someone doing something you said couldn't be done - Amelia Earhart

All who have achieved great things, have had a great aim, have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes have seemed impossible - Orison S. Marden

Impossible is not a scientific term - Vanna Bonta


And finally. ....... . . . . . . .  .
Throw back the shoulders, let the heart sing, let the eyes flash, let the mind be lifted up, look upward and say to yourself  . . nothing is impossible! - Norman Vincent Peale

BLOW YOUR TRUMPET

The first week i started blogging a friend checked out the blog, read my profile and said i had hyped myself in the profile. But all that was true; i have a sometimes annoyingly(to certain people) unfailing sense of humour, I'm always writing somehow, music is as essential as oxygen etc. Not saying i don't have faults or imperfections or bad habits. I always choose to talk about my strenghts before my weaknesses, only those who are closest to me know areas that I'm truly struggling with.



Too often, we get self confidence confused with arrogance and self esteem with pride. Each however, though not mutually exclusive personality traits, are independent of one another. The Oxford dictionary defines self esteem as "a feeling of being happy with your own character and abilities"; self confidence as "a feeling of trust in one's own abilities, quality and judgement"; arrogance as "having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities"



I discovered that pride, arrogance or cockiness are merely self esteem and self confidence taken too far. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have the last two! Its a fact that too much of anything is never a good idea anyway. Finding the right balance is what must be done. You can be confident without being arrogant, you can have the right amount of self esteem without being overly proud (notice i said "overly" proud, pride is not necessarily the opposite of humility. but that's a topic for another time)
Whenever i say to people i can never do this or i can never be caught dead doing that, they often think i am being snobbish or pompous, but its just the truth. I will never accept certain things from people simply because i know what i am worth, that's self esteem. Its not pride.



 There's this really cool thing i saw, where a lion said "no matter the situation of the jungle i can never eat grass. Its not pride its simply who I am". ITS A FACT. Lions do not eat grass. Whenever people state certain facts about themselves we immediately say they are too proud, that they think they are all that! But that may be true, they could be all that. Its like Kaffy, in an attempt to be humble tells you she cant dance. Now that wouldn't be humility, it would be lying. I don't know how much she gets paid to dance in those music videos, but I'm sure she would be paid less if she went around telling people she can't dance.



 Humility is knowing that even though you might be "all that", its still leaving a margin for people to be pleasantly surprised when you perform, not pretending to be unable to perform.
In my opinion, we take humility too far. Picture this, you have a PhD in medicine, for instance, and then someone tells you they have a job offer for you, would it be pride to state the fact that you have that degree? NO. Its merely stating a fact.


When writing your Resume or CV, what do you write, your strengths or weaknesses?
 Pastor Taffy Adelanwa said something yesterday that struck a chord in me, she said "we are tested everyday at all times" so why not perform the same way you would in a test. You write with your best pen, your handwriting is better than ever, your grammatical constructions are near perfect. Bring out your best side, its like taking a picture, even if its a passport, you want to show your most flattering features.


I'm very picky with the people who touch my hair, how much more people who style it. The person i trust most with my hair has been my stylist for about 7 or 8 years. The thing i love most about him, is his confidence, he is so sure he can pull off anything and he does. He tells me the only reason he will be unable to make a particular style is either because he chooses not to or he does not have the right equipment.



I don't know why people expect us to be less than positive about our perceptions of ourselves as human beings. I'm sure by now we know that the words we speak can change our very existence, so why not apply that to what we say about ourselves. Its really not everyone's place to know your faults, that's between you and your mentors . . . .



Confidence looks good on anyone.
You must first believe in yourself to get the crowd to believe in you too. If you always walk around with your head bowed, talking about yourself in less than glowing terms, then you need to change that, let people know who you are, what you are capable of etc etc. Build an image first in your mind, then start to build it in others with the things you say about yourself. We all have something special and unique, if you know how to act or sing, or draw . . . whatever, tell people, you don't know if that person knows somebody who knows somebody that could help you. Because really, if you don't blow your trumpet, who will blow it for you?


As much as you need to "walk that walk", you also need to "talk that talk".

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS(part 1)

       I had drafted this post for a while,its a 2 part series, but I didn't get to it till I came across this quote on facebook
       

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these. (Susan B. Anthony)

      

 I've come to realise in life that as much as the big events in our lives mark milestones and symbolise achievements, its the little things that we keep closest to our hearts, those are the memories we hold dear, whether we know it or not.
       


       I saw the Tooth Fairy(part 2) about a week ago. It was about this guy who had made a kid stop believing in the tooth fairy, so he had to be a tooth fairy for a while or else his "best memory" would  be taken away. As far as he knew his best memory was when he won a bowling competition and got a really snazzy car.



      At one point the memory was taken away, then he realised that wasn't his greatest memory at all. His best memory was one time when he was walking hand in hand with his ex-girlfriend. Shocker.




       I remember one day i came home super exhausted, all i remember was crashing on my bed, i woke up the next morning to find out that my little sister had covered me with a blanket at some point in the night so i wouldn't get cold.
That might seem like a little thing, but I've never forgotten.



      Or like the time she surprised me with a cake on my birthday years back because a cake wasn't forthcoming from anywhere else. (God forbid me not having cake on my birthday, everyone knows my love for cakes)



     I remember how scared I was to start this blog, and confiding to my brother that I didn't think I could do it,  he replied "if i hear that you can't do it, I go come wound you for there'. That showed the confidence he had in me and that keeps me going when I'm just too tired update the blog or just want to scrap it.



     I remember when my aunt had a baby, the thing I remember most was not the fact that the baby was born, but the way her husband danced in excitement, I had never seen him dance before. (and i understand why, he won't be winning any awards for his dance steps anytime soon)


  We place so much emphasis on the weddings, the anniversaries, the promotions, the new house, the new car, the trips overseas etc that the really important stuff are downplayed. Imagine getting a promotion at work and having no one to tell, having no one to jump up and down with you in excitement. People often say the happiest day of their lives was the day they got married to the love of their life, I think that's because there is an assurance that there will always be a person to share the little things with.


   I heard an advert on radio just as i started typing this, a lady said she remembered the day she had her son, but what truly made the day stand out was the fact that her husband made her favourite meal for her. That's the truth about the really super days, its those little things people did that matter most.



    How come when something big happens, we want to share it with the people we love. The minute you get the job, you pick up your phone and call your family or your friends, you buy a car and you go pick up your buddies to cruise with you?


   In primary school I won an award for being one of the top students in my class, it was a big ceremony with cameras, pictures, i even heard the event was shown on TV. What i remember most was my mum hugging me and saying how proud she was of me. . . . . . . . . . . . . That was pretty cool.


   I was sharing this with a friend yesterday and he told me the reason he hardly goes for shows is because he realised, rather than go watch the 25k show alone, he'd rather watch the show at home with his family or friends where they can all laugh at the jokes together.

       "The most treasured heirlooms are the sweet memories of our family"


  Its not only family, its friends. Its your best friend dropping everything to go to the mall with you even though she had nothing to buy, or giggling with you about that guy you have a major crush on. Reminds me of a movie i saw way back; two ladies who were bestfriends got into a fight just before their wedding day which was the same day, each eventually realised that as much as that day meant to her it wasn't the same without the presence of her best friend.


   Its your best friend sending you chocolates on Valentine's day, or taking you out with her boyfriend. Its your homeboy always having your back no matter the weather!


    People are the most important part of our lives. The little things people do for us is what makes our lives truly beautiful, its what they said, how they said it. Its those memories that are truly unforgettable, they make the big things meaningful. Without these little things our lives wouldn't be as awesome as they are.



  Always take a minute to appreciate the little things, and the people who make them happen.

CHANGE (PART 1)

    

    I published a post a week ago titled "QUIRKYALONE". I received emails and comments about it and one in particular stood out because there was talk about moulding our partner if there is mutual understanding. The mutual understanding part is what is usually missing in attempting to "mould" a person, most of us just think it can be one sided. I can understand where that would come from, you like someone but they aren't quite perfect so we decide to "tweak' them a little, just a little adjustment here and there.


    Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't always work. There is even an 80percent chance it wont work. Humans are creatures of habit, we are moulded from different materials, have different backgrounds, different orientations that determine  who we are. By a certain age we become set in our ways, resistant to change and rebel against those who would seek to change us. (i know i do). Have you ever been in an arguement with someone who believes what they are saying is absolutely correct? It's possible that person has it all twisted, they have their facts all wrong, they are confused, but as long as they are convinced to the very core of their being . . . . .
If you have ever succeeded in changing their minds, I'd like to meet you, your powers of persuasion must be close to supernatural.



    I had a friend who was addicted to smoking, i had pleaded and preached against all the evils of smoking, how it would eat up the internal organs, how it could lead to cancer etc. He even assured me he also wanted to quit smoking "just for you" he said. (did i mention that he was a "toaster"). But i told him he needed to quit smoking, not for me, but for himself. Afterall, it wasn't my liver that was slowing getting burnt. I told him that if he stopped smoking for me, what wold happen when i wasn't there? The chances were that he would return to smoking without me constantly harping on him not to smoke. I haven't spoken to him in a while and yea, its just as you thought, he has resumed smoking.


    I once had a boyfriend who was a gentleman of the highest order, i mean down to opening doors, standing till you had your seat kind of gentleman. He asked me out for a while before we started dating, and all the while he would always say he used to be a bad boy, that normally while asking out one girl, he would have one or more in the background but that for some reason my case was different. (this girl wasn't buying  it but i thought, lets have some fun) to cut the long story short, even though there was no doubt that the guy really was in love by the end i knew of three other girls he had dated while we were dating etc. I escaped unscathed because from the outset i knew what i was getting into and was prepared for any eventuality!

    I read a book about a two people who had met and fallen in love, the girl from a rich family and the guy from a poor family. The guy had always believed that a woman has to depend on her man for her every need, that a man isn't a man if he isn't needed absolutely. Of course there were issues and they went their seperate ways. It took the guy 2years to come to terms with the fact that a man isn't less of a man if his wife is richer and doesn't need his money. He realised that he only had to work hard to make sure that he could provide all that her money could and possibly a bit more and that he is needed in other ways as well.


   How do you mould a girlfriend/wife beater into something different? how do you convince him that brute force is not the solution to every issue in a relationship? How do you get him to reason like a rational being? How do you talk him into changing?


   I came across a blog some weeks ago and the blogger was talking about a story she had heard in the salon (that's a really good place to hear gist ooh). It was about a guy who after a few weeks of marriage suddenly developed the habit of leaving the house to receive phone calls because the network inside the house was "poor". The man after a few months of marriage, divorced his wife, took his ring and left saying he was in love with someone else. Apparently, the new lady was the one he had been calling anytime he left the house due to bad network. The guy apparently married the other lady, did the same thing and left. He did the same thing, three times and was currently in his fourth marriage, obviously, each new one had thought, my case is different, all i have to do is convince him I'm the right one. Bla bla bla. Each deluding herself he would change for her. I'm sure we all know its only a matter of time before we say goodbye to the current wife.

   It's the same principle across all types of relationships.


    It's the same thing with friends. The reason both of you are friends is because she came to tell you all sorts of stories about your former bff, how she had said this about you and done this behind your  back. She painted the other party in a bad light so she could get close to you. How do you mould that person into a good friend, a true friend who doesn't go around talking behind your back. If she is not convinced that friendship is more than hanging out, more than partying together, then you have your work cut out for you. Don't be surprised when that you find out she has been spreading rumours about you!



    You see the way the guy behaves with  his mother and his sisters, you see the way he talks to strangers, you see the way he talks to his employees. You think you can convince him to treat you better? That you can talk him into being kind and speaking to you with a gentle tone? Even though he loves you, old habits die hard!

  
    Human beings are not puppets whom we can make dance as we pull the strings, they aren't dogs we can train to "sit" or "play dead". I'm not saying people can"t change, but most times when they change for you, there usually isn't a conviction in their hearts that that is what they want, and without that conviction, its only a matter of time before their true nature comes back to the fore. The best you can do is try to convince a person that there is a better way of getting things done, talk them into making up their own minds and hope they do. You really can't mould a person into a new person. To mould a person you have to destroy whatever the foundation or root of the problem is.  Most major changes come from the inside out not the other way around. What goes on inside is more important than what goes on outside. It's like looking at a car that has been refurbished, the outside is all shiny but the inside remains untouched. The rust inside will still find a way of coming back outside. If all you've done is wash the outside of a cup and the inside remains dirty then nothing has been achieved.