WHEN THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

So, we've heard the line about the grass looking or being greener on the other side . . . . . many times.
I won't deny that it does, I can't count the number of times I've wished I was someone else, or had someone else's job or grades or some other thing like that. For years I even hoped I was adopted so my American parents would come for me (but after years of people mistaking me for my mum over and over again, I know better)


I would look at certain people and wish I was them, I remember when Riri and Chris Brown were dating, I so wanted to be her then, cos to me that was the fairytale life, they had it all.
Alas, pictures surfaced of Riri who had been beaten black and blue by Mr Chris Brown. Not so perfect now. I decided I didn't want to be her after all, at least no one had beaten me black and blue.



When comparing the greenness of our grass to that of others we leave out so many things. So many factors that would change our perception are hidden from us. And sometimes we simply choose not to see them.


Say, you have a colleague in the office who seems to have it better than you, always gets promoted before you, is indispensable to your boss, is loved by everyone in the office . . . . . . so you wish you had it as good. His grass is looking way greener.



You have a classmate who is at the top of the class, has the best grades and seems to just have it easy . . . ..  and there you are struggling with your 2.0 GP . So definitely the grass is looking greener over there.



You know a couple who appear to be the best couple in the world, they never seem to fight, they understand each other perfectly, know each other's mood, treat each other well and basically appear to live in harmony . . . .  Very green grass over there



You know someone who everyone just seems to love, always makes people smile, people find it easy to relate with this person, she is who you would have liked to be . . . . . .



Your friend's relationship is going so well, her boyfriend treats her like a queen, always pampers her, never raises his voice to her, always compliments her . . . . . . . .


You probably wont admit it, but you want to be that person and because you are not; chances are you begin to resent that person, that guy at the office is constantly getting on your nerves, you think to yourself "who knows what he does to get those promotions"  . . . . . and that classmate begins to irritate you and you say to yourself "I'm sure she does some shady stuff to get those grades" etc etc etc


Grass grows just about anywhere, from the rain forest to the desert! The only difference between them is simply the amount of nutrients it receives, you can't expect the grass in the desert to receive as much nutrients as that in the rain forest. The grass in the rain forest will surely look greener because it receives more nourishment from the rain.


Hope you've caught on to where I'm going with this.


Rather than allowing the green eyed monster called envy to take a hold of you and make you imagine the worst about those people, why don't you start the process of making your grass greener. I read somewhere that "no matter the side of the fence you are on, always carry a bucket of water with you and the grass will be green". If you aren't content with the quality of grass on the side you are on, then all you need to do is water it. To get a promotion you need to work a little bit harder, get to work on time, submit the report when due or before its due, be willing to go the extra mile. To get good grades, spend some more time in the library, find someone who knows the course better to explain it to you. To get people to like you, say hello, smile when you see them: no one likes a sourpuss, spend time with them, crack a joke. To get your relationship to work, be a better person, be ready to listen, don't always get angry. Give it a chance . . .


Someone also said "when your grass isn't green, don't buy a new house, water your lawn". Learn to make the best of where you are at. The solution is not always in getting a new job, or finding a new
boyfriend, its in taking the time and effort to maximise the possibilities already available to you.


Remember this, you can also have it greener, all you need is some more water. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, its only greener where you water it.

ON LOSS, FORGIVENESS AND LEGACIES (from Thoughts in a Diary)

According to research, there are two major types of pain; acute and chronic. Acute pain is short term pain while chronic pain lasts a long time. Childbirth. having a tooth pulled out and some types of cancer have been regarded as some of the most painful experiences a person could have.


As far as I can tell however, nothing beats the pain of losing a loved one. No pain could be more chronic, and although the pain lessens with time, it never completely goes away. We find strength from what memories they left behind and the belief that they are in a better place and in the knowledge that they would expect us to keep living and living it to the fullest. (If you've seen the movie P.S I Love You" then you know exactly what I'm talking about.)



Yesterday, I received heartbreaking news about the death of a classmate, Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. Although I didn't know her so well, I knew she was a cute, gentle, easygoing girl and all those who were close to her only had good things to say about her. She had been ill, but from all indications she appeared to be getting better. As I grieved for her I remembered another classmate and friend I had lost. Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake. A gentle, ever smiling spirit who died in a car crash about three years ago. I remember receiving the news like a blow to the head, someone I had seen less than a week before and had spoken to on the phone even after that.
I remember saying to myself that if I was in that much pain, then her family who had known her all her life would be devastated and inconsolable.

What was most traumatising for me was that the last time I saw her we had a little argument where I had said harsh words and even when she called after that, I was less than friendly. Who would have thought that would be the last communication between us. And for what? A stupid meaningless issue! It took a long time to get over that and now I still wish the last time I saw her we had hugged,  shared some jokes and I would have teased her like I usually did.


I promised since then never to let a loved one go away with harsh words between us, I can't say its a promise that I have kept but whenever I remember that promise I try to make good on it, because when you think about it whatever it was that caused the rift is temporal, not worth as much as that loved one.

The gospel of forgiveness has often become one closest to my heart because no matter how much our loved one hurt us or how much we hurt them, I'd like to believe it wasn't done with the intention to hurt us. If you love someone you don't go out of your way to hurt them. Many times, it just happens.


When I think back I can't think of any bad thing to say about my friend because she was always smiling, always happy. Even when you annoyed her she would be unable to keep an angry face. Sometimes, I think God just let us have her for a while, to touch everyone she met with a smile, to brighten up our days if only for a little while. Her heart was pure.


I hope to one day found a charity organisation, to do some volunteer work for the U.N, adopt a motherless child, or at the very least,  I hope to live my life in a way that when I'm gone those who knew me would  wish I was still around. That the memory of that one thing I said or did would forever stick, and never fail to make them smile.
I hope I helped a stranger in need, encouraged a friend, prayed for a brother. . . . . . . This is how I plan to live forever.



Dedicated to the memory of two beautiful ladies Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake and Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. You remain unforgettable in our hearts.

                                                                                 Adesewa                                                                                 

 

Fiyin

Mo Cheddah "I MISS MY DAD A LOT"

Modupe Oreoluwa Oyeyemi, the 22yr old Osun State indigene popularly known as Mo'cheddah talks to Debourgeois about her growth in the music industry. The graduate of Creative Arts from the University of Lagos who started her musical career with Knigthouse has been churning out hit after hit such as Ko ma roll, See me and has been featured by the likes of M.I, eldee and so many others. Although she recently split from Knighthouse, she has three new singles out, Lady, d'ting and Louder and is working on launching her own record label.




DB - You started music at a young age with a lot of hype, how have you been able to maintain the same momentum you started with?
Mo Cheddah - Its all about hard work because  getting there and staying there is a different ball game all together..its basically about evolving as a person.

DB - In your opinion, how have you grown from your first appearance in Won Beri to your newest single Louder?
Mo Cheddah - As a person and artist I always wanna stay true to myself and change is a big part of the growing process so as I grow as a person I also grow as  an artist..

DB - What inspired the song Louder and also the video?
Mo Cheddah - The beat was composed by chopsticks and that was what inspired me to write the song..it was bold loud fun and free...and I wanted the video to depict people having fun.

DB - Tell us about your label, Cheddah music and do you run the label alone?
Mo Cheddah - I'm still putting together the plans I have for the label so I don't wanna let anything out just yet.


DB - Who are your musical influences?
Mo Cheddah - A lot of people..from Beyonce to India Arie, Joe, Usher, JayZ, Rihanna...I listen to all kinds of music.

DB - You have a new album in the works "Supercharged", when is the album
scheduled for release?
Mo Cheddah - I can't give a specific time yet but early next year..


DB - What collaborations should we expect off the upcoming album?
Mo Cheddah - Plenty!!! That's what I wana try and dive into..mixing different styles and ideas with other talented artist to make beautiful music..so expect a lot of that

DB- If you had the opportunity to work with any artistes in the world,
which three would you pick?
Mo Cheddah - Most definitely Beyonce...Rihanna and JayZ

DB - What would you be doing if you weren't into music?
Mo Cheddah - Truthfully I really don't know..maybe i'll be a fashion designer or something..

DB - You've been called a musical prodigy, fabulous fashionista, Nigeria's pop princess etc how hard has it been living up to all to all the expectations people have of you?
Mo Cheddah - Its impossible to please everybody so as much as possible  like I said I stay true to MYSELF and God and everyother thing would work out.


DB - Who is your favourite designer?
Mo Cheddah - Kunbi oyelese of April by kunbi!! I love her soft feminine detailing and use of fabric..


DB - How can artistes who are interested in joining your label get in touch with you?
Mo' Cheddah - When I am on a search for artists you will definitely find out..


DB - If you had the opportunity 1)to go on a date with anyone
 2)go on a vacation anywhere
3) have a lifetime supply of anything,
 who, where and what would they be?
Mo Cheddah - i would love to have just one last dinner date with my dad..I miss him a whole lot..
 I rilly wanna go to borabora!!!i think about it a lot!!
Louboutin shoes!!

ITS POSSIBLE

This morning, as i was perusing the recent updates of my bbm contacts, i came across a pm that inspired today's post .

        "Difficult does not mean impossible"

Everyday, we are faced with tasks and challenges, some easily surmountable, some daunting, some seemingly impossible, but as I am coming to realise, nothing is really impossible.


 A couple of years ago, I did a course which was arguably one of the most difficult courses I have ever come across, it made me realise why some of these professors, especially in the fields that have to do with mathematics and calculations, come off as having gone a little off the rails.


What was this course? Deductive Logic.
I do realise that it may not be so difficult to others, but for someone whose knowledge of math is restricted to simple additions and subtractions (seriously, if you start to ask me anything like -2 +4, you are so on your own), with hardly any science background; it wasn't easy business.
The start off point was to learn "the rules of inference", they were 9, if i remember correctly; there was modus ponens, modus tollens, simplification, constructive dilemma, disjunctive syllogism .........
I remember the ones with the two names were the most difficult, for instance, the rule of Constructive Dilemma (C.D)
(p > q) . (r > s)
p v r
:.q v s
 What in heaven's name is this? What has English language got to do with whatever this was? Anyway, I remember all my classmates were as lost as i was, where did we start from? Then I said to myself, "madam, if you know what's good for you, when you get home start learning this thing, since no one knows it, who will teach you in the exam hall?"

And that's how I started, I began to study the rules backwards and forward, inside out, as a matter of fact, I was always walking around with a piece of paper and a pen, to test my self to see if I really knew it. Walking along the road, I would be reciting and drawing symbols in the air like a crazy person!  And eventually. I knew it. Hallelujah!

Just as I thought the war was won, the rules of replacement was introduced. Alas, that was merely the battle. This was far harder, more complicated. These 10 rules were ridiculousness reduced to symbols. They were De Morgan's Theorems, Material Equivalence, Material Implication, Distribution ............. This time it didn't matter if it was one or two names, they were all difficult
For instance, the rule of Distribution (Dist.)
[p .(q v r)]= [(p . q) v (p . r)]
[p v (q . r)] = [(p v q) . (p v r)]
(Please note, some of the symbols are wrong, because i couldn't find them on the keyboard. lol, so I used the closest equivalents)
I beseech someone to explain this to me.......... this is crazy, am I trying to find the molecular density of mars?!
But once again, I returned home, determined to lay these rules flat on their backs. So the cycle of craziness continued.......
To cut the long story short, I mastered the 19 rules, so much so that I began to teach my classmates. I was unstoppable, I had  40 in the test, and the total scores attainable was 40! Of course I had an A in the course. And now, till the world ends Deductive Logic would always be my *****



 The point I'm trying to make, if you haven't gotten it by now, is that nothing is impossible. Just 'cos its difficult doesn't mean it can't be done.



Centuries ago, I'm sure man had never thought it possible to go to the moon, but now Galactic Suites is scheduled for opening this year. In space. And that's how the moon in a short time will become a tourist site (although I'm not gonna go oo, that's how those horror movies start).


We look at the sky now, and think its impossible to touch the heavens, but do you remember the story of how men purposed in their hearts to build a tower that would reach the heavens and God saw that they could do it. He had to put a stop to it because it could be done. I'm sure it would have been a difficult task, but it wasn't impossible. He knew what he had created. As Jean de la Fontaine said "man is so made that if anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish"

Do you know that about a hundred years ago, scientists stated that man could not run at a certain speed? Do you know that Jim Hines broke the 10.0 barrier with a 9.95 in 1968 and even then he held the record for 15 years before it was broken by Calvin Smith?
     Charles R. Swindoll said  'Alleged impossibilities are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched"
  Now this speed demon called Usain Bolt is closer to breaching the 9.50 barrier any moment. At these kinds of speeds I forsee a future when man begins to disappear and appear wherever he chooses.


I saw the preview of a movie recently, based on a true life story about a man of 90 years who had enrolled in school so that he could read a letter which the president had sent to him. WOW, talk about difficult!

 God bless whoever changed the word impossible to I'm possible.

Who said its impossible to graduate with a first class? Who said it was impossible to win a Grammy because you are a Nigerian? Femi Kuti has been nominated. Twice. Might asa well prove its possible and win.

Anytime I say something is impossible, chances are I'm just too lazy to get up and get it done. Bishop Robert South put it perfectly when he said "It is Idleness that creates impossibilities, and where people don't care to do anything, they shelter themselves under a permission that it cannot be done"

I will leave you with 10 quotes to ponder upon today and whenever the word impossible comes to mind

With God, nothing shall be impossible - The Bible

It always seems impossible until is done - Nelson Mandela

There is nothing impossible to him who will try - Alexander The Great

The word impossible is not in my dictionary - Napoleon Bonaparte

“You think embracing the longing while waiting for the right man is impossible? Well obviously you didn't get the memo.”
― Osayi Osar-Emokpae, Impossible Is Stupid  (this one appeals to this Quirkyalone)

Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities. - Aristotle

Never interrupt someone doing something you said couldn't be done - Amelia Earhart

All who have achieved great things, have had a great aim, have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes have seemed impossible - Orison S. Marden

Impossible is not a scientific term - Vanna Bonta


And finally. ....... . . . . . . .  .
Throw back the shoulders, let the heart sing, let the eyes flash, let the mind be lifted up, look upward and say to yourself  . . nothing is impossible! - Norman Vincent Peale

Nneoma's PASSION FOR FASHION"

Nneoma

Nneoma Phebe Okpara is the CEO of  P.h.e.b.e, a new and growing clothing company designed to style the young woman that is classy, and stylish but isn't afraid to look sexy. The lightskinned beauty who is a Law student at the University of Lagos, shares her fashion with Debourgeois.









DB - How did you get into fashion?
Nneoma - Its been natural, since i was a kid, I've always had the flair for fashion.I really loved beauty, people looking good. I appreciate that a lot. So it felt natural to get into fashion


DB - Did you learn designing anywhere?
Nneoma - In my opinion, certain things cannot be learnt, although there are schools for it. Although i did learn sowing from a tailor for about three months, but designing itself comes to me naturally


DB - Can you recall the first thing you ever designed/
Nneoma - When i was a kid, i started with making clothes from nylon while doing those children plays and we would all wear them, then i started sowing with needle and thread.




DB - Do you do all the sketching for Phebe?
Nneoma - Yes, I do. That's actually the fun for me, I havent totally taken it as a business yet, because I even give out some of my clothes.


DB-
Nneoma - For now Phebe isn't a full time business or job, mostly now its about passion and the love for fashion, but i'm hoping to get people to handle the financial part in the shortest possible time


DB - Have you had any fashion shows featuring your designs?
Nneoma - Yes, I've had one. Panache

DB - At first sight, do you immediately know what would fit a woman's body and what would look best on her?
Nneoma - Yes, absolutely. Although I'm still learning, daily i check all the fashion sites, i google the latest trends and all that. But i know what would fit a petite girl, an hour glass etc. When i see an outfit, i already know what it's missing.


DB - When is your next line scheduled for launching?
Nneoma - Lots of people have been asking me that, when is your next line coming out, why haven't you relaesed new stuff, your blog has been inactive etc but I'm taking my time, its been over 7months since I started work on the new stuff, but i don't want to be like the usual designers. So I'm putting in a lot of effort into the new line and I hope as soon as it comes out people will appreciate it.


To  check out more designs, place orders for exclusive designs or to contact P.h.e.b.e, go to the blog

http://www.phebeescorner.blogspot.com

BLOW YOUR TRUMPET

The first week i started blogging a friend checked out the blog, read my profile and said i had hyped myself in the profile. But all that was true; i have a sometimes annoyingly(to certain people) unfailing sense of humour, I'm always writing somehow, music is as essential as oxygen etc. Not saying i don't have faults or imperfections or bad habits. I always choose to talk about my strenghts before my weaknesses, only those who are closest to me know areas that I'm truly struggling with.



Too often, we get self confidence confused with arrogance and self esteem with pride. Each however, though not mutually exclusive personality traits, are independent of one another. The Oxford dictionary defines self esteem as "a feeling of being happy with your own character and abilities"; self confidence as "a feeling of trust in one's own abilities, quality and judgement"; arrogance as "having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities"



I discovered that pride, arrogance or cockiness are merely self esteem and self confidence taken too far. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have the last two! Its a fact that too much of anything is never a good idea anyway. Finding the right balance is what must be done. You can be confident without being arrogant, you can have the right amount of self esteem without being overly proud (notice i said "overly" proud, pride is not necessarily the opposite of humility. but that's a topic for another time)
Whenever i say to people i can never do this or i can never be caught dead doing that, they often think i am being snobbish or pompous, but its just the truth. I will never accept certain things from people simply because i know what i am worth, that's self esteem. Its not pride.



 There's this really cool thing i saw, where a lion said "no matter the situation of the jungle i can never eat grass. Its not pride its simply who I am". ITS A FACT. Lions do not eat grass. Whenever people state certain facts about themselves we immediately say they are too proud, that they think they are all that! But that may be true, they could be all that. Its like Kaffy, in an attempt to be humble tells you she cant dance. Now that wouldn't be humility, it would be lying. I don't know how much she gets paid to dance in those music videos, but I'm sure she would be paid less if she went around telling people she can't dance.



 Humility is knowing that even though you might be "all that", its still leaving a margin for people to be pleasantly surprised when you perform, not pretending to be unable to perform.
In my opinion, we take humility too far. Picture this, you have a PhD in medicine, for instance, and then someone tells you they have a job offer for you, would it be pride to state the fact that you have that degree? NO. Its merely stating a fact.


When writing your Resume or CV, what do you write, your strengths or weaknesses?
 Pastor Taffy Adelanwa said something yesterday that struck a chord in me, she said "we are tested everyday at all times" so why not perform the same way you would in a test. You write with your best pen, your handwriting is better than ever, your grammatical constructions are near perfect. Bring out your best side, its like taking a picture, even if its a passport, you want to show your most flattering features.


I'm very picky with the people who touch my hair, how much more people who style it. The person i trust most with my hair has been my stylist for about 7 or 8 years. The thing i love most about him, is his confidence, he is so sure he can pull off anything and he does. He tells me the only reason he will be unable to make a particular style is either because he chooses not to or he does not have the right equipment.



I don't know why people expect us to be less than positive about our perceptions of ourselves as human beings. I'm sure by now we know that the words we speak can change our very existence, so why not apply that to what we say about ourselves. Its really not everyone's place to know your faults, that's between you and your mentors . . . .



Confidence looks good on anyone.
You must first believe in yourself to get the crowd to believe in you too. If you always walk around with your head bowed, talking about yourself in less than glowing terms, then you need to change that, let people know who you are, what you are capable of etc etc. Build an image first in your mind, then start to build it in others with the things you say about yourself. We all have something special and unique, if you know how to act or sing, or draw . . . whatever, tell people, you don't know if that person knows somebody who knows somebody that could help you. Because really, if you don't blow your trumpet, who will blow it for you?


As much as you need to "walk that walk", you also need to "talk that talk".