FACE YOUR FEAR BUT SHOW NO FEAR

Some time this week I had to run an errand for my mum. Little did I know that I was gonna have to pass through the "valley of the shadow of  death" / the "belly of the beast" to get there.


I had some problems locating the place at first, till I stumbled upon a gentleman who was kind enough to walk me to my destination. On arrival though, the gentleman departed and I knew I was going to have to face the journey back alone.


After a couple of hours, I had completed my business and it was time to leave. Just as I thought, the terror still awaited me. However, I had recently seen a movie about a guy who entered a lion's cage in the zoo to fix the gate, he was scared but he showed no fear and stared down the lion when it approachd him. So, I decided I would show no fear, I would act as though I belonged and it was "sure for me".


I was midway through when I hit a little roadblock in the form of puddles of blackened germ ridden water, I was more afraid of falling into the water than I was of the dragons around me so as I approched the little bridge , I stumbled and then I squealed ( just like a girl). That was a huge mistake because I had exposed my weakness and I had shown fear. Before I could blink, the dragons had approached me and were sending threats in my direction, but I quickly pulled back my armour and managed to escape unscathed.

That got me thinking on my way back home, that my perceived lack of fear was what got me out of that situation. Even though I was in a state of panic and I was filled with dread, I managed to cover it up with a facade of confidence.


I decided then that it was ok to be afraid, to be scared, as long as the fear did not cause you to freeze when you had to flee or flee from situations that had to be faced. I thought back to a quote from Mandela "I learned that courage is not the absnce of fear, but the triumph over it. A brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers his fear"

It hit me then, that the horror movies were right, the monster or whatever bad guy fed on fear, for instance FREDDIE in 'The Nightmare On Elm Street" or "Freddie vs Jason". "The Hole" is a classic fear based movie, everyone of the actors had to face and fight their fear .........or die, they had to expose themselves to their deepest fear and one that was done, they were free.

Fear strenghtens whatever we are afraid of, gives it an advantage over us. Exposes our weakness when we ought to show strenght. We all have fears, it is what we do about it that makes the winners and the losers. I daresay "only a fool has no fears. a wise man knows what he fears, looks it in the eye and walks away"

I have an irrational fear of cockroaches, but that does not mean if I found one on my bed I would run away! If I did, I probably ran to pick something to kill it with.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

 And as Joel Osteen said "Faith activates God, fear activates the enemy". Need I say more?

A LITTLE THING CALLED KARMA

Yea yea. You've heard it before, "what goes around comes around". The line has been used in so many songs, so many books, movies, poems. So I wonder why we choose to ignore such an amazing bit of wisdom.

All its saying is that life is a cycle. Even the earth has a circular shape, and its constantly spinning, going round and round as it has done since the beginning of time, always returning to its starting point to continue the cycle.

Any farmer knows that if you intend to reap a harvest of yam, you don't go planting cassava. They may look alike but they aren't the same, so no matter how much you wish the cassava would become yam during harvest season, it just won't happen. Or say you intend to reap a harvest of cucumber, you don't plant carrots and then hope for the best or pray for the best.................! You simply must plant cucumber.



There is a reason the bad guy always has a terrible end in the movies, its just the law of karma at work. It always seems unfair when in real life it appears as though the bad guys have made a clean getaway, I daresay however, that its not true. The bad guys never escape, we might not know where or how or when, but karma always catches up.

I read a book once which was also adapted for film titled "THE LOVELY BONES",  a story about a young girl who had been raped and murdered by a pedophile. I could tell you the story, but you should just see it for yourself. Anyway, we all thought the guy had escaped and would continue his raping and murdering spree when he met his end. For me, there could have been no better revenge for all the evil he had done but the family of the girl and of all the other girls he had killed didn't know he had received due recompense and would probably never know.


That didn't mean he had  made a clean getaway.


They say revenge is a meal best served cold. But i say, don't bother serving it at all, it takes too much planning and scheming to do what would happen naturally. If you have read Sidney Sheldon's The Best Laid Plans, you understand what I'm talking about. Personal revenge has no guarantees, it may or may not work out the way you imagined, so why waste time and energy when its bound to happen anyway.

The law of Karma is as sure as the law of gravity, possibly surer, because there are ways to defy gravity, but no escape from dear old Karma.


Karma is the law of seed time and harvest.
Here's a scenario, you work in an organisation, you embezzle funds. SEED. You leave the corporation, start your own business, after 10 years it grows into a big company. TIME. A couple of your employees get together, decide to embezzle funds or sell your company secrets to a rival company or forge your signature and sell your company. HARVEST


Here's another one. You are the player of the century, every girl is just another conquest. As far as you are concerned they are all stupid for not seeing through how phony you are. All I will say to that is , I have met a number of players in my life, most are married now and they all have daughters.


So, you are the hot cake all the married men demand. You have no issues with breaking up someone's marriage, yet you think you have a right to a happy home when you do decide to settle down? Or your kids have the right to spend quality time with their dad? Cool story babe!

Never think Karma targets the bad guys alone, it punishes the bad guys just as it rewards the good guys. Be kind to a stranger and you will receive kindness from those you didn't expect. Speak up for the underdog and advocates will be raised for you. Give and you will receive.

Remember that a small seed grows to be a huge tree.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

A couple of things first struck me before i began writing this.
First, can i still spell? I haven't written anything for about two months, so yea, that was the first question.
Secondly, will anyone bother to read this? Its been a while so i imagine folks must have given up on this blog.


Lots of other stuff crossed my mind, but those don't matter anymore. I'm writing and that's what counts. Its what I love to do and  really, that's what counts.
As i continue writing, I remember there is such a thing as spell check, so lets cross that off the list of things to be worried about. As per the second one, I write first for myself before anyone else, if anyone reads it and learns from it, its an added bonus.

I've never been much of a worrier, honestly, I'm find too many things funny so there is no way i can continuously worry about one particular thing. I lost my blackberry two months ago with all my contacts, my songs, videos, pictures...........  I was sad for about half a hour then I said "oh well, much ado about nothing" sitting here moping won't get the phone back so lets get on with the show. I'm not joking, I said that to myself.


Everyone who claims to know me, knows this. i like to laugh. I was somewhere two weeks back and i was listening to Gordons' comedy tape and it was hilarious and all i did was giggle a little, smile etc. however, if i had been at my house listening to that i would have been on the floor rolling around in fits of laughter.

I have a friend who calls me a Galatian, because its like I never have stuff to think about. But that's not the case, I do have stuff that bug me sometimes but before i burst into tears over spilt milk, I weigh my options. What will crying solve? Nothing.

There's a little mantra I say so myself "Abbey, don't worry about it; think about it" As human its only natural to worry, its a part of what we are. It now becomes your decision to keep worrying about it or to do something about it. I'm sure a couple of people wondered if there was a difference between worrying and thinking. Well dearly beloved I bring good news....... there  is

 To Worry, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary is "to think about problems or fears: to think or show concern because you think something bad has happened or is about to happen"

 To think on the other hand, is "to use your mind to understand or decide something"

I'm sure we all studied mathematics at some point and had to solve a number of mathematical questions. Well imagine you had a question like this "a mother is three times the age of her son, if she was 49 ten years ago, how old is her son now, if the son is 8 years older than his sister, at what age would the mother be twice the age of her son, and the son twice the age of his sister?" what would you have done, worry about the question? or think about the question? I can assure you that if you chose to worry about it for 5 hours, that would have amounted to nothing, you wouldn't have been any closer to finding the age of the son than you were when you first began worrying. If on the other hand, you had thought about the question, you could solve it in under 20minutes. {just in case you are trying to solve this, let me know what the answer is, if it has one. i came up with the question myself, so it probably can't be solved, but think about it and let me know}


Here's another scenario, you have a small business that needs to grow, so you spend every minute worrying about it, let me assure you, you are no closer to a bigger business than you were at the first stage. I have never met Bill Gates or Aliko Dangote or Otedola or most of those people who run these big businesses but I'm certain they didn't worry their businesses into what they are worth today.  They had a business plan, outlined their options, weighed them and thought it out before taking big risks and making vital decisions.

I daresay, that anyone who, in the words of Gordons, has moved from plot to kilometre, or to permanent site must have have thought about it. People who worry, have only worry lines and high blood pressure to show for their effort(or the lack of it) while people who think win lifetime achievement awards.

Thinking and worrying are verbs, which usually mean "doing something". However on close scrutiny, you find that one is passively doing something while the other is choosing to actively do something. You can worry anytime, anyday, anywhere, without making a conscious effort. Worrying is as unconscious and as easy as breathing. The opposite is the case for thinking, thinking requires consciously making full use of the mind. Its possible Einstein sat under that tree worrying about something before the apple dropped on his head, but we know he didn't keep worrying about the fact that the apple fell on his head, he instead set out to understand why the apple fell. It was a conscious decision.


Many times, when we have decisions to make, we insist we have thought about it when all we have done is worry about it. Worrying is so closely tied to feelings and emotions that it clouds the ability to make sound judgement or any kind of judgement or decision at all. Worrying in my little experience has never solved any of my issues, so there is no point. I don't worry, i think.


And in the words of the great Rene Descartes "I think, therefore I am"

WHEN THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

So, we've heard the line about the grass looking or being greener on the other side . . . . . many times.
I won't deny that it does, I can't count the number of times I've wished I was someone else, or had someone else's job or grades or some other thing like that. For years I even hoped I was adopted so my American parents would come for me (but after years of people mistaking me for my mum over and over again, I know better)


I would look at certain people and wish I was them, I remember when Riri and Chris Brown were dating, I so wanted to be her then, cos to me that was the fairytale life, they had it all.
Alas, pictures surfaced of Riri who had been beaten black and blue by Mr Chris Brown. Not so perfect now. I decided I didn't want to be her after all, at least no one had beaten me black and blue.



When comparing the greenness of our grass to that of others we leave out so many things. So many factors that would change our perception are hidden from us. And sometimes we simply choose not to see them.


Say, you have a colleague in the office who seems to have it better than you, always gets promoted before you, is indispensable to your boss, is loved by everyone in the office . . . . . . so you wish you had it as good. His grass is looking way greener.



You have a classmate who is at the top of the class, has the best grades and seems to just have it easy . . . ..  and there you are struggling with your 2.0 GP . So definitely the grass is looking greener over there.



You know a couple who appear to be the best couple in the world, they never seem to fight, they understand each other perfectly, know each other's mood, treat each other well and basically appear to live in harmony . . . .  Very green grass over there



You know someone who everyone just seems to love, always makes people smile, people find it easy to relate with this person, she is who you would have liked to be . . . . . .



Your friend's relationship is going so well, her boyfriend treats her like a queen, always pampers her, never raises his voice to her, always compliments her . . . . . . . .


You probably wont admit it, but you want to be that person and because you are not; chances are you begin to resent that person, that guy at the office is constantly getting on your nerves, you think to yourself "who knows what he does to get those promotions"  . . . . . and that classmate begins to irritate you and you say to yourself "I'm sure she does some shady stuff to get those grades" etc etc etc


Grass grows just about anywhere, from the rain forest to the desert! The only difference between them is simply the amount of nutrients it receives, you can't expect the grass in the desert to receive as much nutrients as that in the rain forest. The grass in the rain forest will surely look greener because it receives more nourishment from the rain.


Hope you've caught on to where I'm going with this.


Rather than allowing the green eyed monster called envy to take a hold of you and make you imagine the worst about those people, why don't you start the process of making your grass greener. I read somewhere that "no matter the side of the fence you are on, always carry a bucket of water with you and the grass will be green". If you aren't content with the quality of grass on the side you are on, then all you need to do is water it. To get a promotion you need to work a little bit harder, get to work on time, submit the report when due or before its due, be willing to go the extra mile. To get good grades, spend some more time in the library, find someone who knows the course better to explain it to you. To get people to like you, say hello, smile when you see them: no one likes a sourpuss, spend time with them, crack a joke. To get your relationship to work, be a better person, be ready to listen, don't always get angry. Give it a chance . . .


Someone also said "when your grass isn't green, don't buy a new house, water your lawn". Learn to make the best of where you are at. The solution is not always in getting a new job, or finding a new
boyfriend, its in taking the time and effort to maximise the possibilities already available to you.


Remember this, you can also have it greener, all you need is some more water. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, its only greener where you water it.

ON LOSS, FORGIVENESS AND LEGACIES (from Thoughts in a Diary)

According to research, there are two major types of pain; acute and chronic. Acute pain is short term pain while chronic pain lasts a long time. Childbirth. having a tooth pulled out and some types of cancer have been regarded as some of the most painful experiences a person could have.


As far as I can tell however, nothing beats the pain of losing a loved one. No pain could be more chronic, and although the pain lessens with time, it never completely goes away. We find strength from what memories they left behind and the belief that they are in a better place and in the knowledge that they would expect us to keep living and living it to the fullest. (If you've seen the movie P.S I Love You" then you know exactly what I'm talking about.)



Yesterday, I received heartbreaking news about the death of a classmate, Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. Although I didn't know her so well, I knew she was a cute, gentle, easygoing girl and all those who were close to her only had good things to say about her. She had been ill, but from all indications she appeared to be getting better. As I grieved for her I remembered another classmate and friend I had lost. Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake. A gentle, ever smiling spirit who died in a car crash about three years ago. I remember receiving the news like a blow to the head, someone I had seen less than a week before and had spoken to on the phone even after that.
I remember saying to myself that if I was in that much pain, then her family who had known her all her life would be devastated and inconsolable.

What was most traumatising for me was that the last time I saw her we had a little argument where I had said harsh words and even when she called after that, I was less than friendly. Who would have thought that would be the last communication between us. And for what? A stupid meaningless issue! It took a long time to get over that and now I still wish the last time I saw her we had hugged,  shared some jokes and I would have teased her like I usually did.


I promised since then never to let a loved one go away with harsh words between us, I can't say its a promise that I have kept but whenever I remember that promise I try to make good on it, because when you think about it whatever it was that caused the rift is temporal, not worth as much as that loved one.

The gospel of forgiveness has often become one closest to my heart because no matter how much our loved one hurt us or how much we hurt them, I'd like to believe it wasn't done with the intention to hurt us. If you love someone you don't go out of your way to hurt them. Many times, it just happens.


When I think back I can't think of any bad thing to say about my friend because she was always smiling, always happy. Even when you annoyed her she would be unable to keep an angry face. Sometimes, I think God just let us have her for a while, to touch everyone she met with a smile, to brighten up our days if only for a little while. Her heart was pure.


I hope to one day found a charity organisation, to do some volunteer work for the U.N, adopt a motherless child, or at the very least,  I hope to live my life in a way that when I'm gone those who knew me would  wish I was still around. That the memory of that one thing I said or did would forever stick, and never fail to make them smile.
I hope I helped a stranger in need, encouraged a friend, prayed for a brother. . . . . . . This is how I plan to live forever.



Dedicated to the memory of two beautiful ladies Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake and Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. You remain unforgettable in our hearts.

                                                                                 Adesewa                                                                                 

 

Fiyin

Mo Cheddah "I MISS MY DAD A LOT"

Modupe Oreoluwa Oyeyemi, the 22yr old Osun State indigene popularly known as Mo'cheddah talks to Debourgeois about her growth in the music industry. The graduate of Creative Arts from the University of Lagos who started her musical career with Knigthouse has been churning out hit after hit such as Ko ma roll, See me and has been featured by the likes of M.I, eldee and so many others. Although she recently split from Knighthouse, she has three new singles out, Lady, d'ting and Louder and is working on launching her own record label.




DB - You started music at a young age with a lot of hype, how have you been able to maintain the same momentum you started with?
Mo Cheddah - Its all about hard work because  getting there and staying there is a different ball game all together..its basically about evolving as a person.

DB - In your opinion, how have you grown from your first appearance in Won Beri to your newest single Louder?
Mo Cheddah - As a person and artist I always wanna stay true to myself and change is a big part of the growing process so as I grow as a person I also grow as  an artist..

DB - What inspired the song Louder and also the video?
Mo Cheddah - The beat was composed by chopsticks and that was what inspired me to write the song..it was bold loud fun and free...and I wanted the video to depict people having fun.

DB - Tell us about your label, Cheddah music and do you run the label alone?
Mo Cheddah - I'm still putting together the plans I have for the label so I don't wanna let anything out just yet.


DB - Who are your musical influences?
Mo Cheddah - A lot of people..from Beyonce to India Arie, Joe, Usher, JayZ, Rihanna...I listen to all kinds of music.

DB - You have a new album in the works "Supercharged", when is the album
scheduled for release?
Mo Cheddah - I can't give a specific time yet but early next year..


DB - What collaborations should we expect off the upcoming album?
Mo Cheddah - Plenty!!! That's what I wana try and dive into..mixing different styles and ideas with other talented artist to make beautiful music..so expect a lot of that

DB- If you had the opportunity to work with any artistes in the world,
which three would you pick?
Mo Cheddah - Most definitely Beyonce...Rihanna and JayZ

DB - What would you be doing if you weren't into music?
Mo Cheddah - Truthfully I really don't know..maybe i'll be a fashion designer or something..

DB - You've been called a musical prodigy, fabulous fashionista, Nigeria's pop princess etc how hard has it been living up to all to all the expectations people have of you?
Mo Cheddah - Its impossible to please everybody so as much as possible  like I said I stay true to MYSELF and God and everyother thing would work out.


DB - Who is your favourite designer?
Mo Cheddah - Kunbi oyelese of April by kunbi!! I love her soft feminine detailing and use of fabric..


DB - How can artistes who are interested in joining your label get in touch with you?
Mo' Cheddah - When I am on a search for artists you will definitely find out..


DB - If you had the opportunity 1)to go on a date with anyone
 2)go on a vacation anywhere
3) have a lifetime supply of anything,
 who, where and what would they be?
Mo Cheddah - i would love to have just one last dinner date with my dad..I miss him a whole lot..
 I rilly wanna go to borabora!!!i think about it a lot!!
Louboutin shoes!!

ITS POSSIBLE

This morning, as i was perusing the recent updates of my bbm contacts, i came across a pm that inspired today's post .

        "Difficult does not mean impossible"

Everyday, we are faced with tasks and challenges, some easily surmountable, some daunting, some seemingly impossible, but as I am coming to realise, nothing is really impossible.


 A couple of years ago, I did a course which was arguably one of the most difficult courses I have ever come across, it made me realise why some of these professors, especially in the fields that have to do with mathematics and calculations, come off as having gone a little off the rails.


What was this course? Deductive Logic.
I do realise that it may not be so difficult to others, but for someone whose knowledge of math is restricted to simple additions and subtractions (seriously, if you start to ask me anything like -2 +4, you are so on your own), with hardly any science background; it wasn't easy business.
The start off point was to learn "the rules of inference", they were 9, if i remember correctly; there was modus ponens, modus tollens, simplification, constructive dilemma, disjunctive syllogism .........
I remember the ones with the two names were the most difficult, for instance, the rule of Constructive Dilemma (C.D)
(p > q) . (r > s)
p v r
:.q v s
 What in heaven's name is this? What has English language got to do with whatever this was? Anyway, I remember all my classmates were as lost as i was, where did we start from? Then I said to myself, "madam, if you know what's good for you, when you get home start learning this thing, since no one knows it, who will teach you in the exam hall?"

And that's how I started, I began to study the rules backwards and forward, inside out, as a matter of fact, I was always walking around with a piece of paper and a pen, to test my self to see if I really knew it. Walking along the road, I would be reciting and drawing symbols in the air like a crazy person!  And eventually. I knew it. Hallelujah!

Just as I thought the war was won, the rules of replacement was introduced. Alas, that was merely the battle. This was far harder, more complicated. These 10 rules were ridiculousness reduced to symbols. They were De Morgan's Theorems, Material Equivalence, Material Implication, Distribution ............. This time it didn't matter if it was one or two names, they were all difficult
For instance, the rule of Distribution (Dist.)
[p .(q v r)]= [(p . q) v (p . r)]
[p v (q . r)] = [(p v q) . (p v r)]
(Please note, some of the symbols are wrong, because i couldn't find them on the keyboard. lol, so I used the closest equivalents)
I beseech someone to explain this to me.......... this is crazy, am I trying to find the molecular density of mars?!
But once again, I returned home, determined to lay these rules flat on their backs. So the cycle of craziness continued.......
To cut the long story short, I mastered the 19 rules, so much so that I began to teach my classmates. I was unstoppable, I had  40 in the test, and the total scores attainable was 40! Of course I had an A in the course. And now, till the world ends Deductive Logic would always be my *****



 The point I'm trying to make, if you haven't gotten it by now, is that nothing is impossible. Just 'cos its difficult doesn't mean it can't be done.



Centuries ago, I'm sure man had never thought it possible to go to the moon, but now Galactic Suites is scheduled for opening this year. In space. And that's how the moon in a short time will become a tourist site (although I'm not gonna go oo, that's how those horror movies start).


We look at the sky now, and think its impossible to touch the heavens, but do you remember the story of how men purposed in their hearts to build a tower that would reach the heavens and God saw that they could do it. He had to put a stop to it because it could be done. I'm sure it would have been a difficult task, but it wasn't impossible. He knew what he had created. As Jean de la Fontaine said "man is so made that if anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish"

Do you know that about a hundred years ago, scientists stated that man could not run at a certain speed? Do you know that Jim Hines broke the 10.0 barrier with a 9.95 in 1968 and even then he held the record for 15 years before it was broken by Calvin Smith?
     Charles R. Swindoll said  'Alleged impossibilities are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched"
  Now this speed demon called Usain Bolt is closer to breaching the 9.50 barrier any moment. At these kinds of speeds I forsee a future when man begins to disappear and appear wherever he chooses.


I saw the preview of a movie recently, based on a true life story about a man of 90 years who had enrolled in school so that he could read a letter which the president had sent to him. WOW, talk about difficult!

 God bless whoever changed the word impossible to I'm possible.

Who said its impossible to graduate with a first class? Who said it was impossible to win a Grammy because you are a Nigerian? Femi Kuti has been nominated. Twice. Might asa well prove its possible and win.

Anytime I say something is impossible, chances are I'm just too lazy to get up and get it done. Bishop Robert South put it perfectly when he said "It is Idleness that creates impossibilities, and where people don't care to do anything, they shelter themselves under a permission that it cannot be done"

I will leave you with 10 quotes to ponder upon today and whenever the word impossible comes to mind

With God, nothing shall be impossible - The Bible

It always seems impossible until is done - Nelson Mandela

There is nothing impossible to him who will try - Alexander The Great

The word impossible is not in my dictionary - Napoleon Bonaparte

“You think embracing the longing while waiting for the right man is impossible? Well obviously you didn't get the memo.”
― Osayi Osar-Emokpae, Impossible Is Stupid  (this one appeals to this Quirkyalone)

Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities. - Aristotle

Never interrupt someone doing something you said couldn't be done - Amelia Earhart

All who have achieved great things, have had a great aim, have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes have seemed impossible - Orison S. Marden

Impossible is not a scientific term - Vanna Bonta


And finally. ....... . . . . . . .  .
Throw back the shoulders, let the heart sing, let the eyes flash, let the mind be lifted up, look upward and say to yourself  . . nothing is impossible! - Norman Vincent Peale

Nneoma's PASSION FOR FASHION"

Nneoma

Nneoma Phebe Okpara is the CEO of  P.h.e.b.e, a new and growing clothing company designed to style the young woman that is classy, and stylish but isn't afraid to look sexy. The lightskinned beauty who is a Law student at the University of Lagos, shares her fashion with Debourgeois.









DB - How did you get into fashion?
Nneoma - Its been natural, since i was a kid, I've always had the flair for fashion.I really loved beauty, people looking good. I appreciate that a lot. So it felt natural to get into fashion


DB - Did you learn designing anywhere?
Nneoma - In my opinion, certain things cannot be learnt, although there are schools for it. Although i did learn sowing from a tailor for about three months, but designing itself comes to me naturally


DB - Can you recall the first thing you ever designed/
Nneoma - When i was a kid, i started with making clothes from nylon while doing those children plays and we would all wear them, then i started sowing with needle and thread.




DB - Do you do all the sketching for Phebe?
Nneoma - Yes, I do. That's actually the fun for me, I havent totally taken it as a business yet, because I even give out some of my clothes.


DB-
Nneoma - For now Phebe isn't a full time business or job, mostly now its about passion and the love for fashion, but i'm hoping to get people to handle the financial part in the shortest possible time


DB - Have you had any fashion shows featuring your designs?
Nneoma - Yes, I've had one. Panache

DB - At first sight, do you immediately know what would fit a woman's body and what would look best on her?
Nneoma - Yes, absolutely. Although I'm still learning, daily i check all the fashion sites, i google the latest trends and all that. But i know what would fit a petite girl, an hour glass etc. When i see an outfit, i already know what it's missing.


DB - When is your next line scheduled for launching?
Nneoma - Lots of people have been asking me that, when is your next line coming out, why haven't you relaesed new stuff, your blog has been inactive etc but I'm taking my time, its been over 7months since I started work on the new stuff, but i don't want to be like the usual designers. So I'm putting in a lot of effort into the new line and I hope as soon as it comes out people will appreciate it.


To  check out more designs, place orders for exclusive designs or to contact P.h.e.b.e, go to the blog

http://www.phebeescorner.blogspot.com

BLOW YOUR TRUMPET

The first week i started blogging a friend checked out the blog, read my profile and said i had hyped myself in the profile. But all that was true; i have a sometimes annoyingly(to certain people) unfailing sense of humour, I'm always writing somehow, music is as essential as oxygen etc. Not saying i don't have faults or imperfections or bad habits. I always choose to talk about my strenghts before my weaknesses, only those who are closest to me know areas that I'm truly struggling with.



Too often, we get self confidence confused with arrogance and self esteem with pride. Each however, though not mutually exclusive personality traits, are independent of one another. The Oxford dictionary defines self esteem as "a feeling of being happy with your own character and abilities"; self confidence as "a feeling of trust in one's own abilities, quality and judgement"; arrogance as "having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities"



I discovered that pride, arrogance or cockiness are merely self esteem and self confidence taken too far. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have the last two! Its a fact that too much of anything is never a good idea anyway. Finding the right balance is what must be done. You can be confident without being arrogant, you can have the right amount of self esteem without being overly proud (notice i said "overly" proud, pride is not necessarily the opposite of humility. but that's a topic for another time)
Whenever i say to people i can never do this or i can never be caught dead doing that, they often think i am being snobbish or pompous, but its just the truth. I will never accept certain things from people simply because i know what i am worth, that's self esteem. Its not pride.



 There's this really cool thing i saw, where a lion said "no matter the situation of the jungle i can never eat grass. Its not pride its simply who I am". ITS A FACT. Lions do not eat grass. Whenever people state certain facts about themselves we immediately say they are too proud, that they think they are all that! But that may be true, they could be all that. Its like Kaffy, in an attempt to be humble tells you she cant dance. Now that wouldn't be humility, it would be lying. I don't know how much she gets paid to dance in those music videos, but I'm sure she would be paid less if she went around telling people she can't dance.



 Humility is knowing that even though you might be "all that", its still leaving a margin for people to be pleasantly surprised when you perform, not pretending to be unable to perform.
In my opinion, we take humility too far. Picture this, you have a PhD in medicine, for instance, and then someone tells you they have a job offer for you, would it be pride to state the fact that you have that degree? NO. Its merely stating a fact.


When writing your Resume or CV, what do you write, your strengths or weaknesses?
 Pastor Taffy Adelanwa said something yesterday that struck a chord in me, she said "we are tested everyday at all times" so why not perform the same way you would in a test. You write with your best pen, your handwriting is better than ever, your grammatical constructions are near perfect. Bring out your best side, its like taking a picture, even if its a passport, you want to show your most flattering features.


I'm very picky with the people who touch my hair, how much more people who style it. The person i trust most with my hair has been my stylist for about 7 or 8 years. The thing i love most about him, is his confidence, he is so sure he can pull off anything and he does. He tells me the only reason he will be unable to make a particular style is either because he chooses not to or he does not have the right equipment.



I don't know why people expect us to be less than positive about our perceptions of ourselves as human beings. I'm sure by now we know that the words we speak can change our very existence, so why not apply that to what we say about ourselves. Its really not everyone's place to know your faults, that's between you and your mentors . . . .



Confidence looks good on anyone.
You must first believe in yourself to get the crowd to believe in you too. If you always walk around with your head bowed, talking about yourself in less than glowing terms, then you need to change that, let people know who you are, what you are capable of etc etc. Build an image first in your mind, then start to build it in others with the things you say about yourself. We all have something special and unique, if you know how to act or sing, or draw . . . whatever, tell people, you don't know if that person knows somebody who knows somebody that could help you. Because really, if you don't blow your trumpet, who will blow it for you?


As much as you need to "walk that walk", you also need to "talk that talk".

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS(part 1)

       I had drafted this post for a while,its a 2 part series, but I didn't get to it till I came across this quote on facebook
       

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these. (Susan B. Anthony)

      

 I've come to realise in life that as much as the big events in our lives mark milestones and symbolise achievements, its the little things that we keep closest to our hearts, those are the memories we hold dear, whether we know it or not.
       


       I saw the Tooth Fairy(part 2) about a week ago. It was about this guy who had made a kid stop believing in the tooth fairy, so he had to be a tooth fairy for a while or else his "best memory" would  be taken away. As far as he knew his best memory was when he won a bowling competition and got a really snazzy car.



      At one point the memory was taken away, then he realised that wasn't his greatest memory at all. His best memory was one time when he was walking hand in hand with his ex-girlfriend. Shocker.




       I remember one day i came home super exhausted, all i remember was crashing on my bed, i woke up the next morning to find out that my little sister had covered me with a blanket at some point in the night so i wouldn't get cold.
That might seem like a little thing, but I've never forgotten.



      Or like the time she surprised me with a cake on my birthday years back because a cake wasn't forthcoming from anywhere else. (God forbid me not having cake on my birthday, everyone knows my love for cakes)



     I remember how scared I was to start this blog, and confiding to my brother that I didn't think I could do it,  he replied "if i hear that you can't do it, I go come wound you for there'. That showed the confidence he had in me and that keeps me going when I'm just too tired update the blog or just want to scrap it.



     I remember when my aunt had a baby, the thing I remember most was not the fact that the baby was born, but the way her husband danced in excitement, I had never seen him dance before. (and i understand why, he won't be winning any awards for his dance steps anytime soon)


  We place so much emphasis on the weddings, the anniversaries, the promotions, the new house, the new car, the trips overseas etc that the really important stuff are downplayed. Imagine getting a promotion at work and having no one to tell, having no one to jump up and down with you in excitement. People often say the happiest day of their lives was the day they got married to the love of their life, I think that's because there is an assurance that there will always be a person to share the little things with.


   I heard an advert on radio just as i started typing this, a lady said she remembered the day she had her son, but what truly made the day stand out was the fact that her husband made her favourite meal for her. That's the truth about the really super days, its those little things people did that matter most.



    How come when something big happens, we want to share it with the people we love. The minute you get the job, you pick up your phone and call your family or your friends, you buy a car and you go pick up your buddies to cruise with you?


   In primary school I won an award for being one of the top students in my class, it was a big ceremony with cameras, pictures, i even heard the event was shown on TV. What i remember most was my mum hugging me and saying how proud she was of me. . . . . . . . . . . . . That was pretty cool.


   I was sharing this with a friend yesterday and he told me the reason he hardly goes for shows is because he realised, rather than go watch the 25k show alone, he'd rather watch the show at home with his family or friends where they can all laugh at the jokes together.

       "The most treasured heirlooms are the sweet memories of our family"


  Its not only family, its friends. Its your best friend dropping everything to go to the mall with you even though she had nothing to buy, or giggling with you about that guy you have a major crush on. Reminds me of a movie i saw way back; two ladies who were bestfriends got into a fight just before their wedding day which was the same day, each eventually realised that as much as that day meant to her it wasn't the same without the presence of her best friend.


   Its your best friend sending you chocolates on Valentine's day, or taking you out with her boyfriend. Its your homeboy always having your back no matter the weather!


    People are the most important part of our lives. The little things people do for us is what makes our lives truly beautiful, its what they said, how they said it. Its those memories that are truly unforgettable, they make the big things meaningful. Without these little things our lives wouldn't be as awesome as they are.



  Always take a minute to appreciate the little things, and the people who make them happen.

CHANGE (PART 1)

    

    I published a post a week ago titled "QUIRKYALONE". I received emails and comments about it and one in particular stood out because there was talk about moulding our partner if there is mutual understanding. The mutual understanding part is what is usually missing in attempting to "mould" a person, most of us just think it can be one sided. I can understand where that would come from, you like someone but they aren't quite perfect so we decide to "tweak' them a little, just a little adjustment here and there.


    Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't always work. There is even an 80percent chance it wont work. Humans are creatures of habit, we are moulded from different materials, have different backgrounds, different orientations that determine  who we are. By a certain age we become set in our ways, resistant to change and rebel against those who would seek to change us. (i know i do). Have you ever been in an arguement with someone who believes what they are saying is absolutely correct? It's possible that person has it all twisted, they have their facts all wrong, they are confused, but as long as they are convinced to the very core of their being . . . . .
If you have ever succeeded in changing their minds, I'd like to meet you, your powers of persuasion must be close to supernatural.



    I had a friend who was addicted to smoking, i had pleaded and preached against all the evils of smoking, how it would eat up the internal organs, how it could lead to cancer etc. He even assured me he also wanted to quit smoking "just for you" he said. (did i mention that he was a "toaster"). But i told him he needed to quit smoking, not for me, but for himself. Afterall, it wasn't my liver that was slowing getting burnt. I told him that if he stopped smoking for me, what wold happen when i wasn't there? The chances were that he would return to smoking without me constantly harping on him not to smoke. I haven't spoken to him in a while and yea, its just as you thought, he has resumed smoking.


    I once had a boyfriend who was a gentleman of the highest order, i mean down to opening doors, standing till you had your seat kind of gentleman. He asked me out for a while before we started dating, and all the while he would always say he used to be a bad boy, that normally while asking out one girl, he would have one or more in the background but that for some reason my case was different. (this girl wasn't buying  it but i thought, lets have some fun) to cut the long story short, even though there was no doubt that the guy really was in love by the end i knew of three other girls he had dated while we were dating etc. I escaped unscathed because from the outset i knew what i was getting into and was prepared for any eventuality!

    I read a book about a two people who had met and fallen in love, the girl from a rich family and the guy from a poor family. The guy had always believed that a woman has to depend on her man for her every need, that a man isn't a man if he isn't needed absolutely. Of course there were issues and they went their seperate ways. It took the guy 2years to come to terms with the fact that a man isn't less of a man if his wife is richer and doesn't need his money. He realised that he only had to work hard to make sure that he could provide all that her money could and possibly a bit more and that he is needed in other ways as well.


   How do you mould a girlfriend/wife beater into something different? how do you convince him that brute force is not the solution to every issue in a relationship? How do you get him to reason like a rational being? How do you talk him into changing?


   I came across a blog some weeks ago and the blogger was talking about a story she had heard in the salon (that's a really good place to hear gist ooh). It was about a guy who after a few weeks of marriage suddenly developed the habit of leaving the house to receive phone calls because the network inside the house was "poor". The man after a few months of marriage, divorced his wife, took his ring and left saying he was in love with someone else. Apparently, the new lady was the one he had been calling anytime he left the house due to bad network. The guy apparently married the other lady, did the same thing and left. He did the same thing, three times and was currently in his fourth marriage, obviously, each new one had thought, my case is different, all i have to do is convince him I'm the right one. Bla bla bla. Each deluding herself he would change for her. I'm sure we all know its only a matter of time before we say goodbye to the current wife.

   It's the same principle across all types of relationships.


    It's the same thing with friends. The reason both of you are friends is because she came to tell you all sorts of stories about your former bff, how she had said this about you and done this behind your  back. She painted the other party in a bad light so she could get close to you. How do you mould that person into a good friend, a true friend who doesn't go around talking behind your back. If she is not convinced that friendship is more than hanging out, more than partying together, then you have your work cut out for you. Don't be surprised when that you find out she has been spreading rumours about you!



    You see the way the guy behaves with  his mother and his sisters, you see the way he talks to strangers, you see the way he talks to his employees. You think you can convince him to treat you better? That you can talk him into being kind and speaking to you with a gentle tone? Even though he loves you, old habits die hard!

  
    Human beings are not puppets whom we can make dance as we pull the strings, they aren't dogs we can train to "sit" or "play dead". I'm not saying people can"t change, but most times when they change for you, there usually isn't a conviction in their hearts that that is what they want, and without that conviction, its only a matter of time before their true nature comes back to the fore. The best you can do is try to convince a person that there is a better way of getting things done, talk them into making up their own minds and hope they do. You really can't mould a person into a new person. To mould a person you have to destroy whatever the foundation or root of the problem is.  Most major changes come from the inside out not the other way around. What goes on inside is more important than what goes on outside. It's like looking at a car that has been refurbished, the outside is all shiny but the inside remains untouched. The rust inside will still find a way of coming back outside. If all you've done is wash the outside of a cup and the inside remains dirty then nothing has been achieved.


    

BEYOND YOUR EXPECTATION

       We've all heard the phrase Good things happen to people who expect them, or other stuff like that. I get the idea, when you are focused on good things happening to you, they will happen. True. But there is something beyond that expectation . . . . . . It's preparation.


   A couple of days ago, I was home alone and had been working on my laptop for hours without electricity. Eventually the battery ran out of juice and my laptop went off. It was a few minutes to noon and the trend for days before was for NEPA (or PHCN) to restore power supply at 12noon. With that in mind, i decided to quickly get some things done, take a shower etc As i stepped into the bathroom it occured to me that it was noon already, still no power? Then it dawned on me that i hadnt even switched over from the generator source to Nepa. Immediately, i got out of the bathroom and switched over, and alas, Light flooded the house. That got me thinking.


   I had an expectation for electricity but i hadnt taken the necessary steps to ensure that i was ready for it when it came. Suppose i had kept on hoping the light would come but still hadn taken  steps  for when it came, i would have missed the opportuity to charge my laptop and do all other stuff one needs electicity for.


  I realised that there were areas of our lives that we have big expectations, but because we are unprepared, because we haven't quite switched over, and because we have left it at the expectation stage, nothing seems to happen. It's even possible, like in my case, that the good thing had happened but we are caught unprepared

"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail" John Wooden

   A few days after, i was having a chat with an older friend who had high hopes for a huge contract, had submitted the relevant papers, talked to the right people etc. This contract runs in several millions of naira, but guess what, he didnt have a functional bank account. I was shocked, so if the contract came, were the people supposed to pay in cash? Immediately, i dragged him to the bank and made him open an account, not even in his name, but in his company's name.


    Having an expectation without preparation to receive your manifestation is like going fishing without a fishing net, without a fishing line, and lets say you cant afford all those, you didnt go with a sharp stick either! yet you expect to catch a fish, are the fish going to have pity on you and start jumping into the boat? if you think so, then good luck to you. Even if you are expecting a miracle, you still have to "let down your net".


    You are expecting a job offer as soon as possible, you have even taken the necessary steps of submitting your cv at all the right places. But, you dont have a single office shirt to your name, the last time you wore one was at your tenth birthday. What happens when you receive a phone call telling you to resume at Chevron the next day? You really dont need to have the most expensive shirts or shoes in town to get a job, no one expects that of you yet, afterall you dont have a job. But it wont be too much to have one or two that look good when ironed.
  

 Often times, the things we are expecting have already come to pass, but we aren't prepared to receive them. We rely entirely on miracles and forget there is a part we ourselves must play. One of my favourite people in all of history named John is John Preston, who said
"the nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise and is not preceeded by a period of anxiety" (I absolutely love this, the statement is just dripping with sarcasm).

    You always wanted to meet your dream girl but you never get out of bed or even step out of your house. What are the chances this girl will walk up to your door and ask of you by name? Ok, lets say she does walk up to your door, what do you even say to her?


   You have this awesome idea in your head, about an invention that will change the very way we live, you expect to meet someone who can provide necessary funding but you dont even have a presentation prepared. You havent written it down to the last word, the last graph etc.Supposing this person has the time, you havent prepared a speech. NOTHING. all you have is your fantastic idea in your head. Chances are that's where it will stay!
  
   
  
    You want to become a model, you have sent out pictures to modeling agencies. but you have never catwalked in your life. What happens when you are called in for an audition? Do you stroll in, bounce like a tomboy? Just because you are six foot with a good face doesn't unconditionally make you a model.


   I can't get over how in all those award shows,  those people who win awards come up all shocked like they didnt know they wuld win, yet have the perfect speech prepared! I aint buying it sister! They were prepared, just in case!


  Having an expectation is great, but its only the first step on the way to manifestation. So beyond your expectation, add preparation. Its major ingredient in the recipe of success.

HELLO QUIRKYALONE

The first time i came across the word "quirkyalone" was on twitter (if you follow uberfacts, you've probably seen it too) i immediately googled the word and i discovered that is exactly what i am. A QUIRKYALONE. A quirkyalone is a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. Its not anti love. It is pro love. It is not anti dating, It is anti compulsory dating.



 The concept is founded on the value of loving yourself first(giving yourself approval so you don't need it from others).



 Many times when people ask if I'm in a relationship and i say no, the next question is why? i often reply that i haven't found the right person. They are always quick to insist that I'm too picky, too choosy, looking for Mr perfect. I'm not perfect far from it actually, so why look for Mr perfect? The truth simply is that i believe certain compromises are unacceptable, so just cos every other person is in a relationship should i settle for less, lower my standards, hook up with just anyone? never! Its not like there are days when i feel like "shacking" up with just anyone especially on certain days like Valentine's day and so on, but then i get over it real quick because i know what I'm waiting for.



  In secondary school i had a really close friend, anytime we went to eat she would order plantain, then she would pick out the oddly shaped ones and not eat them. Did that mean she was looking for the perfect plantain? i say no, she just didn't like the other ones.


  Two days ago my friend told me what she had suffered in the hands of her ex boyfriend, for two whole years she endured all the crap he had been dishing out, he would insult her daily, call her fat, an idiot, a cheap girl and all other stuff. He had even beaten as well. True, the guy was 'tall dark and handsome" but was it worth it? When i asked her why she endured all of that, she said she didn't want to "not" be in a relationship and just be single.



  My mum corners me every once in a while to ask me "how far?" and i have to explain all over again that i cant date anyone just to make her happy as much as her happiness means to me. I know who i am, i know what i want, where i want to be . . . . . i am a bit weird, i listen to Owl city, Enya, Cold play, Linkin Park, Skillet, Iron and Wine, Hoobastank, Vertical Horizon . . . . what would i do with someone who only ever wants to listen to "club bangers" who can't understand what rock is? God forbid someone who is indifferent about music! I like to dye my hair red, wine, blond, white .... what would i do with someone who is a stickler for rules and can't allow me express my self the way i want?


  I'd like to see Rome, France, Spain, to travel the world(it is my inheritance afterall) what would i do with someone who is satisfied with earning just enough for a roof over his head and "3 square meals" (i absolutely cant stand complacent people who have no dreams). Even if he is earning only enough to pay electricity bills now, he had better have a bigger vision, as Fela Durotoye once said, "go for a man with a vision, and not a television". lol, cool yeah?



  How about my love for food(as George Bernard Shaw said, "There is no love sincerer than the love of food)  and cooking, i would love to taste the Vietnam delicacy called Goi cuon, how about Gabon's Chicken Muamba and Neapolitan pizza from Italy  etc. . . .   what would i do with someone who has no palate for exotic foods?
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean these people are bad people or that there is anything wrong with them, they are just not for me. Shikena! (afterall my dad wouldn't eat Salad except his life depended on it, doesn't mean i love him any less)
These are apart from the God fearing, kind hearted, intelligent etc essential requirements. Even in the book of books (The Bible), when Abraham sent his servant to get a wife for his son he gave requirements, he didn't say bring just anyone.



   I did however realise that quirkyalone is not restricted to single people and relationship issue, it could be anything. Some people are so picky in the type of friends they have, if you fail to pass their requirements, you will immediately be shown the door. For some, its the type of food they eat and where they eat, no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise they just ain't buying it.
  

   Have you met tailors who will refuse to sew your clothes or stylists who will refuse to make your hair or make it exactly the way you asked? Its not always because they are lazy, they are just picky in their choice of clientele. 
Just think about it, how come those big designers like Loius Vuitton, Vera Wang, Chanel etc don't just create designs for everyone? Yet they are bigger designers than the ones who make mass clothings.


    Those who pick and choose really do get the best, if they are wise in the choices they make, so its not a bad thing to be a quirkyalone in anyway. Just because everyone else is studying that course, or working in that field, or wearing those clothes, or doing whatever it is they are doing, doesn't mean you have to do it too. I'd rather be alone and unique than one of the crowd.
  


  
   If there are certain things you wouldn't do even if the whole world was doing it, if you wouldn't compromise what you believe you deserve, if you are not a beggar (they say they cant be choosers)  then why feel like or let anyone make you feel like you don't have a choice. Afterall if you paid for six books and the seller gave you two, would you just accept it and walk away? No, you'd speak up and asked for what you deserve and to get your money's worth. if its that simple then why not apply that same principle to other areas of your life? why say its not the same thing? Confucius said "Life is really simple, we just insist on making it complicated"


   So the next time you are being choosy, don't feel bad, and don't let anyone make you feel bad either. That's just the way you were wired. I've heard it said that "the heart wants what the heart wants".If you are getting less than you deserve and you are unsatisfied, then say something, refuse to be that unsatisfied person. . . . . There is a quirkyalone in all of us.

OWN THAT HILL

    A couple of years ago i went with my mum to see her mum in the village, we'd been there for 24 hours and i was already bored stiff. As i pondered on what to do, I remembered i had seen some hills on the way to grandma's house, so i was off on an adventure to see the hills and take pictures.

    On arrival, the hills were a lot bigger than what i had thought, as it occured to me to climb them i began to think of all that could go wrong, what if i slipped and fell, what if i get trapped up there with no way to get back down, what if at the top there would be a snake bla bla bla bla. Truly it was a daunting task i had ahead of me, nonetheless, i remember taking off my shoes, taking a deep breath, saying to myself "you can do this girl, but brace yourself". Finally I took the first step.


   Halfway up i had become frustrated, i was tired, i wanted to sit (could i get a bed?), i needed a drink, but there were no such options available. The soles of my feet were bruised, so were my fingers, my knees were skimmed and my entire body ached. Still i soldiered on, bravely enduring the discomfort.


   In the blink of an eye i was at the top, i layed down for a minute to catch my breath, but when i got up, looked around, let it all sink in, it was more than worth it, the view was breathtaking!!! The pain and discomfort was nothing compared to the feeling of being so high up, i literally felt high, the houses and people below all looked like ants, the air was fresher, the sun was brighter, i knew all i had to do was stretch my hand and touch the sky.

at the top of my hill

   I quickly got to work screaming, dancing and taking a thousand and one pictures and soaked it all in and then it was time to get down. What i hadnt even contemplated was how hard it would be to come down cos at that point i would no longer be in control, gravity's the boss. One slip and it would be a tumble downhill to broken bonesvile (looking back now, if i had thought about coming down i probably wouldn't have gone up in the first place) i said to myself  "hey girl this place is no longer good enough for you just take the first step again" I slipped a number of times but i held firm. And eventually made it.


    As i walked away from that hill i remember taking one last look and saying to the man who had come with me "can we get a bigger rock, a mountain perhaps?" He thought i was joking and just laughed it off. From that i learnt you can't always count on people to believe in you, you can even count on them to doubt . But truly i needed more of a challenge, i had conquered this one. this was no longer that daunting hill it was a stone I had walked on. I had owned that hill! All because i believed in myself and had taken that first step. I got back to my mum and she told me the two biggest rocks in the state (Olosunta and Oroole) she said the hardest to climb was Oroole and i quickly added 'to climb Oroole rock' to my bucket list.


    No matter the journey, the task, the challenge, the first step is always the hardest because it is filled with the greatest risk. But as Coldplay said "if you never try then you'll never know" The most succssful and most unforgettable people in the world are the daring ones, those who left their comfort zones and took the risks, faced what scared them and went all in. Sometimes with no safety net. The biggest risk Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world, ever took was dropping out of Harvard to start Microsoft. How about the first man to fly a plane, the first man on the moon?


    Great things dont just happen, you have to make it happen. Go out, change your wardrobe, cut your hair, take dance or swimming lessons, start a conversation, launch your own business. Not happy with your job, get another one. i remember the interview i had with ID Cabasa(one of Nigeria's biggest music producers), he was a banker and a good one at that but he was not happy and so he quit and began producing . (Read the entire interview here http://debourgeois.blogspot.com/2012/07/id-cabasa-excellence-is-my-driving.html ). Now we all know his name...   Many times its when you have everything to lose that you must draw out from yourself the courage to proceed, that we tap into the greatness in us and gain everything.

    Sometimes the risk is not financial, its emotional, you watch the girl you are crazy about go on dates with other guys and you'd rather stay in the 'friendzone'? Speak up already, tell her how you feel, show up with flowers(i prefer chocolates but what do i know?), write her a poem, dedicate a song to her, embarass yourself  but just do something! I saw a movie where a father said to his son "all you need to get the girl is 20 seconds of courage", the boy goes for it and gets the girl. That's a movie, in real life you may not get the girl, but you'll know you tried, you'll never wonder what would have happened if you'd spoken up.

    So what, you're fourty years old and you want to go back to school to get your degree? The people who laugh at you now, will get over their foolishness in a little while. So fill the form. What's the worst that could happen?!

   Not happy with the way you look? lose some weight, register at a gym, start exercising, people will raise their eyebrows at the "fat" person running down the road, but none of that matters, once you take the first step, once you dare to face those that will mock you; you have my word, in the end, you will shock them and become a happier person.

   Never settle for less, when there is so much more you can be. Your potential has endless possibilities. I read that one of the ethics of life is that "before you quit . . . . try". Do whaterver it takes, write out your bucket list, start with something as litle as tasting a new meal (for me it was my neighbour's banga soup) to as drastic as moving to another state. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing everyday that scares you". You will have to take that first step again and again and again.


    So I dare you to grow a pair, step up and own that hill.

THAT MUSIC THING

“If music be the food of the soul, play on”

I’ve never doubted the power of music there is just something about it. The way the singer’s voice becomes one with the instruments, the rise and fall of the tempo, the way the lyrics pull at your very soul. The tapping of the feet, the bobbing of the head, the swaying of the body, the smile on your face . . . . . . yep, there’s something about music! 

There is music for today you know, that kind of song that you hear and you can dance to, the ones that appeal to the surface, the exterior, the shallow nature, the ones that aim for mass appeal and get it. It moves the body but not the soul. Yea, there’s that but that’s not it. 


I’m talking about the classics, ageless songs, you hear a song and you know instantly that when this song comes on radio in 50yrs, you’ll feel exactly the same way you felt when you first heard it. A song that you can always remember the 2W’s. When (the first time you heard it), where (the place you first heard it). The song that seems linked to a memory. 

Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die.  ~Paul Simon

That song you wished you wrote or you wish someone had written for you. The song that makes you feel special, cos the person who wrote it must have been thinking about you.

The one you listen to on gloomiest of days because it makes you feel better. The one you sing alone in the bathroom The song you left on repeat for days but every time is like the first time. The one everyone knows is “your song " The soundtrack to your life, the album for your existence.
 

Sometimes, it’s that song no one has ever heard, the one people hear and think is weird. The one you searched for, for years but couldn’t seem to find because no one knew the title or the singer (frustrating. Like the way I searched for Jesse Jags’ sugarcane baby for at least 2yrs)

The one no one gets what the fuss is about; the one no one understands the lyrics. The one that never gets requested, the one you’ve never seen the video, the 15th track on a 16 track album (no one will get there anyway). 

It’s the one that never won any awards, the one the critics condemned, the one they’ll never talk about when the band splits or the artist dies. No way, it will be on the greatest hits cd.

Or maybe it’s the number one hit, the one everybody got, the one everybody felt. The one you and your best friends rocked to, and your siblings sang along too.

 Its Lil Wayne’s Mirror, India Irie’s Little things, Hillsong’s Beautiful Exchange, Mary J Blidge’s Fine, Kirk Franklin’s I Like Me, Ja Rule’s Always On Time, Three of a kind’s Baby Cakes, 2Pac’s Letter to my Unborn child, Banky W’s Strong Thing, 9ce’s Gongo Aso, Brandy’s Aphrodisiac . . . . . . . . It’s rap, pop, afro pop, soul, r&b, gospel, rock. Its funk, garage, ragga, reggae, afro beat . . . . . . . .

 It may not be one song, it could be 2 or 3 or 30 or a 100, it doesn’t matter, anytime it comes on you know its your song (if you are like me, you wont be able to pick one anyway). Really doesn’t matter what song it is, even if no one understands; don’t bother explaining, if you have to explain it to them they’ll never truly get it ( I’ve been listening to this Spanish song by Michel telo or something, titled Ai se ta fuego or something, and I have no idea what the song means yet I love it) You cant explain it anyway!

 If a comopser could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.  ~Gustav Mahler 

Point is, they are not you, only you can feel the way you feel. It’s the one that spoke to you, afterall, who can explain that thing about music?

   check out the really cool quotes i found on music at this site http://www.quotegarden.com/music.html

 some guys went to a lot of trouble to research that thing about music "scientifically". u can check this out too
  http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/jan/09/why-we-love-music-research

Tell me what the soundtrack to your life is when you leave a post. i just might know it!

MARCO MARTINEZ AT TEN

Marco Martinez is arguably the biggest urban apparel designer in Nigeria, with the Boys Are Not Smiling (BANS) tees, Girls Are Not Smiling tees, DJ Jimmy Jatt (D3PLE J)snap backs, MADE ON THE STREET tees, the tennis designs and so many others which constantly get sold out, the fashion house definitely has its hands full. The CEO and creative designer of Marco Martinez, Paul Ade Martins,a graduate of Engineering at the University of Lagos, took time out of his packed schedule for an interview with DEBOURGEOIS and shared some of what makes Marco Martinez the power house it is.


DB - Where did the name Marco Martinez come from?
DB - My friends helped me come up with the name because then i was looking for a name (even the M symbol came before the name because i always loved superman and other comics growing up), so after much deliberation, someone said why not Marco but i thought to myself later on that anyone could be Marco so i decided to add a second name and then all the big designers had two names like Louis Vuitton, Ralph Lauren etc. So i thought since my surname was Martins and Marco sounded Italian, i should make it Marco Martinez. Also there was the Nigerian factor, there is something about foreign things, no matter how much they like it once they see that it was made by a Nigerian that's when they would turn it inside out and start looking at the thread and all that. I actually heard of someone who had sold some of my clothes and when they asked who Marco Martinez was, he said "na one italian guy like that wey come Nigeria"


DB- What made you go into fashion?
MM - I have always loved drawing and designing, i remember back in Unilag, i designed the number on the door to my room at the hostel and everyone liked it. So i thought why not make this a business rather than a hobby. I never worked for anyone, so that helped me launch early and i was able to take the risk of going into design fulltime. 



DB - Did the Marco Martinez brand start with Boys Are Not smiling?
MM - No, the brand has started way before that. Back then when people would ask me to help them get clothes, no matter the specifications and whatever they wanted on it. I would get exactly that, so they started asking how that was possible, that's when i told them i was actually the one who made them. That was in 2002 so the brand is not new at all. The BANS tees didn't get to the market till about five years ago. I designed it for Terry Tha Rapman for his song "Boys are not smiling" and the entire design process was shown on MTV, right from designing the face on the shirt to completion. That's how BANS was born.

DB - What inspired the Dj Jimmy Jatt snap backs?
MM - I have known Dj Jimmy Jatt for a long time and he'd come see me or i would go see him. but there was one day he came to see me and i noticed something odd about him, i couldn't place it at first and then it hit me, so i said "Uncle Jimmy why are you not wearing a hat" because i had never seen him without one. That is when it just clicked because I had been thinking about my hat line because i didn't think it was proper that everyone was wearing hats saying "NYC" or "ATL" and those kind of hats. Why rep somewhere you've never been, or where you are not known etc. I wanted something we could relate to. And who better than Jimmy Jatt who is an icon and is known everywhere for his love of hats. I immediately went to work designing and i showed them to him and he liked the designs. that's how the snapbacks were born.


DB - What type of partnership exists between the fashion house and DJ Jimmy Jatt?
MM - It is a business relationship as per the D3PLEJ snapbacks, but he has always been a friend and customer of the fashion house


DB - What has been the response of the international community to Marco Martinez?
MM- The response has been great, we have been getting requests from all over the world for our designs. For instance some white boys in Germany requested for the BANS tees, and i began to wonder what boys are not smiling had to do with people in Germany. The major challenge we were having before was how to produce in bulk but now with our factory we are more equipped for export than ever before. Also we have moved from a new brand to an accepted and established brand in Nigeria so now we can go into the international scene. Some of our customers buy in bulk and take it outside the country to resell.


DB - Do you have any intentions of going from urban designs to also doing couture?
MM - Our customers know we are not strictly urban because we make jackets, shoes etc, however as a trained engineer i couldn't see myself attending directly to customers, such that when we make clothes someone would come back and say "oga, i no like the cloth again or amend am e no size me" and all that, but in the next 12months we are expanding our designs.


DB - The brand's fans have remained loyal even after all these years, what inspires the loyalty?
MM - I think its just God


DB - Have you had any fashion shows where Marco Martinez has showcased its designs?
MM - Actually we have been invited to a lot of fashion shows but we have declined those invites such that some are upset with us. but we have been mostly interested in building the brand, focusing on our designs and our customers. Right now though, we are more open to doing fashion shows and soon we will begin having fashion shows

DB - There are a number of urban apparel designers in the Nigerian fashion industry. What sets Marco Martinez apart from the others?
MM - Quality, Finish and knowing what our customers want. Plus our unique designs


DB - In your view, what is the state of the Nigerian Urban apparel design market?
MM - The industry is still growing, and i believe that as much as there are lots of designers out there we still have less than five percent of the population with all of us put together


DB - If you had the opportunity to work with any fashion houses or labels. Which ones would immediately come to mind
MM - Alexander Blage


DB - Are you solely responsible for creativity at Marco Martinez or there are other persons involved?
MM - We are a company and i am the creative director. Currently, we are hiring designers to add to our versatility.


DB - How can interested designers get in touch with you?
MM - They can send mails to info@marco-martinez.com with all their previous works


DB - What are the things that inspire both your Marco Martinez creative side and Paul Ade Martins, the man?
MM - I am inspired by Music, Feelings and my immediate environment. I am inspired by what I see around me everyday.


DB - If you had the opportunity to steal three things; one body part, one personality trait and one material thing from any person(s), what would they be?
MM - Body part: 6packs from Tyrese, personality trait: Messi's humility and consistency at the top, material thing ; Micheal Jackson's Estate


Visit the marco martinez website www.marco-martinez.com , like on facebook http:/www.facebook.com/marcomartinez47 and follow on twitter @marcomartinz47

"NELLY FURTADO IS BACK"

Yea, that's right. Nelly Kim Furtado, the versatile Canadian 'Promiscious' singer is back. if you, like me, have been wondering where the pretty hitmaker has been for the past couple of years since her number one album "LOOSE"..... well, wonder no more. Her song BIG HOOPS(THE BIGGER THE BETTER) has been getting massive airplay, it is the first single off her upcoming album The Spirit Indestructible scheduled to be released in September of this year. The song is obviously not the best we've heard from her but lets see what the rest of the singles and the album itself holds. "The Spirit Indestructible" is the second single off her newest project, she says its an "ode to the spirit which lives in all of us"

      Furtado says she was inspired to write the songs by the different kinds of songs she had been listening to weeks before, songs that were heavy and "made your blood feel things" and she had thought "wow, this is really missing in music, that rawness, that energy, that power, i think music can tap into a lot of powerful emotions". the song and album is reminiscent of "Whoa Nelly" her first album released in 2000.

     I do think Nelly can do no wrong and I'm eagerly awaiting the album; with Nelly's personality and unique voice, its all good.
  
    The BIG HOOPS video is bursting with a lot of energy and colour, of course Nelly is wearing possibly the biggest hoops I've ever seen on anyone. (just in case you didn't know what hoops are, if you've ever seen those round earrings then you know it) she is walking down the street with people staring at her. and NO its not just cos of the hoops.......... I wont tell you what else they are staring at.
So if you haven't seen the video, and the Spirit Indestructible video check out both on You tube. WELCOME back Nelly!!!