ON LOSS, FORGIVENESS AND LEGACIES (from Thoughts in a Diary)

According to research, there are two major types of pain; acute and chronic. Acute pain is short term pain while chronic pain lasts a long time. Childbirth. having a tooth pulled out and some types of cancer have been regarded as some of the most painful experiences a person could have.


As far as I can tell however, nothing beats the pain of losing a loved one. No pain could be more chronic, and although the pain lessens with time, it never completely goes away. We find strength from what memories they left behind and the belief that they are in a better place and in the knowledge that they would expect us to keep living and living it to the fullest. (If you've seen the movie P.S I Love You" then you know exactly what I'm talking about.)



Yesterday, I received heartbreaking news about the death of a classmate, Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. Although I didn't know her so well, I knew she was a cute, gentle, easygoing girl and all those who were close to her only had good things to say about her. She had been ill, but from all indications she appeared to be getting better. As I grieved for her I remembered another classmate and friend I had lost. Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake. A gentle, ever smiling spirit who died in a car crash about three years ago. I remember receiving the news like a blow to the head, someone I had seen less than a week before and had spoken to on the phone even after that.
I remember saying to myself that if I was in that much pain, then her family who had known her all her life would be devastated and inconsolable.

What was most traumatising for me was that the last time I saw her we had a little argument where I had said harsh words and even when she called after that, I was less than friendly. Who would have thought that would be the last communication between us. And for what? A stupid meaningless issue! It took a long time to get over that and now I still wish the last time I saw her we had hugged,  shared some jokes and I would have teased her like I usually did.


I promised since then never to let a loved one go away with harsh words between us, I can't say its a promise that I have kept but whenever I remember that promise I try to make good on it, because when you think about it whatever it was that caused the rift is temporal, not worth as much as that loved one.

The gospel of forgiveness has often become one closest to my heart because no matter how much our loved one hurt us or how much we hurt them, I'd like to believe it wasn't done with the intention to hurt us. If you love someone you don't go out of your way to hurt them. Many times, it just happens.


When I think back I can't think of any bad thing to say about my friend because she was always smiling, always happy. Even when you annoyed her she would be unable to keep an angry face. Sometimes, I think God just let us have her for a while, to touch everyone she met with a smile, to brighten up our days if only for a little while. Her heart was pure.


I hope to one day found a charity organisation, to do some volunteer work for the U.N, adopt a motherless child, or at the very least,  I hope to live my life in a way that when I'm gone those who knew me would  wish I was still around. That the memory of that one thing I said or did would forever stick, and never fail to make them smile.
I hope I helped a stranger in need, encouraged a friend, prayed for a brother. . . . . . . This is how I plan to live forever.



Dedicated to the memory of two beautiful ladies Adetutu Adesewa Omorolake and Fiyinfoluwa Awoyale. You remain unforgettable in our hearts.

                                                                                 Adesewa                                                                                 

 

Fiyin