IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS(part 1)

       I had drafted this post for a while,its a 2 part series, but I didn't get to it till I came across this quote on facebook
       

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these. (Susan B. Anthony)

      

 I've come to realise in life that as much as the big events in our lives mark milestones and symbolise achievements, its the little things that we keep closest to our hearts, those are the memories we hold dear, whether we know it or not.
       


       I saw the Tooth Fairy(part 2) about a week ago. It was about this guy who had made a kid stop believing in the tooth fairy, so he had to be a tooth fairy for a while or else his "best memory" would  be taken away. As far as he knew his best memory was when he won a bowling competition and got a really snazzy car.



      At one point the memory was taken away, then he realised that wasn't his greatest memory at all. His best memory was one time when he was walking hand in hand with his ex-girlfriend. Shocker.




       I remember one day i came home super exhausted, all i remember was crashing on my bed, i woke up the next morning to find out that my little sister had covered me with a blanket at some point in the night so i wouldn't get cold.
That might seem like a little thing, but I've never forgotten.



      Or like the time she surprised me with a cake on my birthday years back because a cake wasn't forthcoming from anywhere else. (God forbid me not having cake on my birthday, everyone knows my love for cakes)



     I remember how scared I was to start this blog, and confiding to my brother that I didn't think I could do it,  he replied "if i hear that you can't do it, I go come wound you for there'. That showed the confidence he had in me and that keeps me going when I'm just too tired update the blog or just want to scrap it.



     I remember when my aunt had a baby, the thing I remember most was not the fact that the baby was born, but the way her husband danced in excitement, I had never seen him dance before. (and i understand why, he won't be winning any awards for his dance steps anytime soon)


  We place so much emphasis on the weddings, the anniversaries, the promotions, the new house, the new car, the trips overseas etc that the really important stuff are downplayed. Imagine getting a promotion at work and having no one to tell, having no one to jump up and down with you in excitement. People often say the happiest day of their lives was the day they got married to the love of their life, I think that's because there is an assurance that there will always be a person to share the little things with.


   I heard an advert on radio just as i started typing this, a lady said she remembered the day she had her son, but what truly made the day stand out was the fact that her husband made her favourite meal for her. That's the truth about the really super days, its those little things people did that matter most.



    How come when something big happens, we want to share it with the people we love. The minute you get the job, you pick up your phone and call your family or your friends, you buy a car and you go pick up your buddies to cruise with you?


   In primary school I won an award for being one of the top students in my class, it was a big ceremony with cameras, pictures, i even heard the event was shown on TV. What i remember most was my mum hugging me and saying how proud she was of me. . . . . . . . . . . . . That was pretty cool.


   I was sharing this with a friend yesterday and he told me the reason he hardly goes for shows is because he realised, rather than go watch the 25k show alone, he'd rather watch the show at home with his family or friends where they can all laugh at the jokes together.

       "The most treasured heirlooms are the sweet memories of our family"


  Its not only family, its friends. Its your best friend dropping everything to go to the mall with you even though she had nothing to buy, or giggling with you about that guy you have a major crush on. Reminds me of a movie i saw way back; two ladies who were bestfriends got into a fight just before their wedding day which was the same day, each eventually realised that as much as that day meant to her it wasn't the same without the presence of her best friend.


   Its your best friend sending you chocolates on Valentine's day, or taking you out with her boyfriend. Its your homeboy always having your back no matter the weather!


    People are the most important part of our lives. The little things people do for us is what makes our lives truly beautiful, its what they said, how they said it. Its those memories that are truly unforgettable, they make the big things meaningful. Without these little things our lives wouldn't be as awesome as they are.



  Always take a minute to appreciate the little things, and the people who make them happen.

CHANGE (PART 1)

    

    I published a post a week ago titled "QUIRKYALONE". I received emails and comments about it and one in particular stood out because there was talk about moulding our partner if there is mutual understanding. The mutual understanding part is what is usually missing in attempting to "mould" a person, most of us just think it can be one sided. I can understand where that would come from, you like someone but they aren't quite perfect so we decide to "tweak' them a little, just a little adjustment here and there.


    Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't always work. There is even an 80percent chance it wont work. Humans are creatures of habit, we are moulded from different materials, have different backgrounds, different orientations that determine  who we are. By a certain age we become set in our ways, resistant to change and rebel against those who would seek to change us. (i know i do). Have you ever been in an arguement with someone who believes what they are saying is absolutely correct? It's possible that person has it all twisted, they have their facts all wrong, they are confused, but as long as they are convinced to the very core of their being . . . . .
If you have ever succeeded in changing their minds, I'd like to meet you, your powers of persuasion must be close to supernatural.



    I had a friend who was addicted to smoking, i had pleaded and preached against all the evils of smoking, how it would eat up the internal organs, how it could lead to cancer etc. He even assured me he also wanted to quit smoking "just for you" he said. (did i mention that he was a "toaster"). But i told him he needed to quit smoking, not for me, but for himself. Afterall, it wasn't my liver that was slowing getting burnt. I told him that if he stopped smoking for me, what wold happen when i wasn't there? The chances were that he would return to smoking without me constantly harping on him not to smoke. I haven't spoken to him in a while and yea, its just as you thought, he has resumed smoking.


    I once had a boyfriend who was a gentleman of the highest order, i mean down to opening doors, standing till you had your seat kind of gentleman. He asked me out for a while before we started dating, and all the while he would always say he used to be a bad boy, that normally while asking out one girl, he would have one or more in the background but that for some reason my case was different. (this girl wasn't buying  it but i thought, lets have some fun) to cut the long story short, even though there was no doubt that the guy really was in love by the end i knew of three other girls he had dated while we were dating etc. I escaped unscathed because from the outset i knew what i was getting into and was prepared for any eventuality!

    I read a book about a two people who had met and fallen in love, the girl from a rich family and the guy from a poor family. The guy had always believed that a woman has to depend on her man for her every need, that a man isn't a man if he isn't needed absolutely. Of course there were issues and they went their seperate ways. It took the guy 2years to come to terms with the fact that a man isn't less of a man if his wife is richer and doesn't need his money. He realised that he only had to work hard to make sure that he could provide all that her money could and possibly a bit more and that he is needed in other ways as well.


   How do you mould a girlfriend/wife beater into something different? how do you convince him that brute force is not the solution to every issue in a relationship? How do you get him to reason like a rational being? How do you talk him into changing?


   I came across a blog some weeks ago and the blogger was talking about a story she had heard in the salon (that's a really good place to hear gist ooh). It was about a guy who after a few weeks of marriage suddenly developed the habit of leaving the house to receive phone calls because the network inside the house was "poor". The man after a few months of marriage, divorced his wife, took his ring and left saying he was in love with someone else. Apparently, the new lady was the one he had been calling anytime he left the house due to bad network. The guy apparently married the other lady, did the same thing and left. He did the same thing, three times and was currently in his fourth marriage, obviously, each new one had thought, my case is different, all i have to do is convince him I'm the right one. Bla bla bla. Each deluding herself he would change for her. I'm sure we all know its only a matter of time before we say goodbye to the current wife.

   It's the same principle across all types of relationships.


    It's the same thing with friends. The reason both of you are friends is because she came to tell you all sorts of stories about your former bff, how she had said this about you and done this behind your  back. She painted the other party in a bad light so she could get close to you. How do you mould that person into a good friend, a true friend who doesn't go around talking behind your back. If she is not convinced that friendship is more than hanging out, more than partying together, then you have your work cut out for you. Don't be surprised when that you find out she has been spreading rumours about you!



    You see the way the guy behaves with  his mother and his sisters, you see the way he talks to strangers, you see the way he talks to his employees. You think you can convince him to treat you better? That you can talk him into being kind and speaking to you with a gentle tone? Even though he loves you, old habits die hard!

  
    Human beings are not puppets whom we can make dance as we pull the strings, they aren't dogs we can train to "sit" or "play dead". I'm not saying people can"t change, but most times when they change for you, there usually isn't a conviction in their hearts that that is what they want, and without that conviction, its only a matter of time before their true nature comes back to the fore. The best you can do is try to convince a person that there is a better way of getting things done, talk them into making up their own minds and hope they do. You really can't mould a person into a new person. To mould a person you have to destroy whatever the foundation or root of the problem is.  Most major changes come from the inside out not the other way around. What goes on inside is more important than what goes on outside. It's like looking at a car that has been refurbished, the outside is all shiny but the inside remains untouched. The rust inside will still find a way of coming back outside. If all you've done is wash the outside of a cup and the inside remains dirty then nothing has been achieved.


    

BEYOND YOUR EXPECTATION

       We've all heard the phrase Good things happen to people who expect them, or other stuff like that. I get the idea, when you are focused on good things happening to you, they will happen. True. But there is something beyond that expectation . . . . . . It's preparation.


   A couple of days ago, I was home alone and had been working on my laptop for hours without electricity. Eventually the battery ran out of juice and my laptop went off. It was a few minutes to noon and the trend for days before was for NEPA (or PHCN) to restore power supply at 12noon. With that in mind, i decided to quickly get some things done, take a shower etc As i stepped into the bathroom it occured to me that it was noon already, still no power? Then it dawned on me that i hadnt even switched over from the generator source to Nepa. Immediately, i got out of the bathroom and switched over, and alas, Light flooded the house. That got me thinking.


   I had an expectation for electricity but i hadnt taken the necessary steps to ensure that i was ready for it when it came. Suppose i had kept on hoping the light would come but still hadn taken  steps  for when it came, i would have missed the opportuity to charge my laptop and do all other stuff one needs electicity for.


  I realised that there were areas of our lives that we have big expectations, but because we are unprepared, because we haven't quite switched over, and because we have left it at the expectation stage, nothing seems to happen. It's even possible, like in my case, that the good thing had happened but we are caught unprepared

"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail" John Wooden

   A few days after, i was having a chat with an older friend who had high hopes for a huge contract, had submitted the relevant papers, talked to the right people etc. This contract runs in several millions of naira, but guess what, he didnt have a functional bank account. I was shocked, so if the contract came, were the people supposed to pay in cash? Immediately, i dragged him to the bank and made him open an account, not even in his name, but in his company's name.


    Having an expectation without preparation to receive your manifestation is like going fishing without a fishing net, without a fishing line, and lets say you cant afford all those, you didnt go with a sharp stick either! yet you expect to catch a fish, are the fish going to have pity on you and start jumping into the boat? if you think so, then good luck to you. Even if you are expecting a miracle, you still have to "let down your net".


    You are expecting a job offer as soon as possible, you have even taken the necessary steps of submitting your cv at all the right places. But, you dont have a single office shirt to your name, the last time you wore one was at your tenth birthday. What happens when you receive a phone call telling you to resume at Chevron the next day? You really dont need to have the most expensive shirts or shoes in town to get a job, no one expects that of you yet, afterall you dont have a job. But it wont be too much to have one or two that look good when ironed.
  

 Often times, the things we are expecting have already come to pass, but we aren't prepared to receive them. We rely entirely on miracles and forget there is a part we ourselves must play. One of my favourite people in all of history named John is John Preston, who said
"the nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise and is not preceeded by a period of anxiety" (I absolutely love this, the statement is just dripping with sarcasm).

    You always wanted to meet your dream girl but you never get out of bed or even step out of your house. What are the chances this girl will walk up to your door and ask of you by name? Ok, lets say she does walk up to your door, what do you even say to her?


   You have this awesome idea in your head, about an invention that will change the very way we live, you expect to meet someone who can provide necessary funding but you dont even have a presentation prepared. You havent written it down to the last word, the last graph etc.Supposing this person has the time, you havent prepared a speech. NOTHING. all you have is your fantastic idea in your head. Chances are that's where it will stay!
  
   
  
    You want to become a model, you have sent out pictures to modeling agencies. but you have never catwalked in your life. What happens when you are called in for an audition? Do you stroll in, bounce like a tomboy? Just because you are six foot with a good face doesn't unconditionally make you a model.


   I can't get over how in all those award shows,  those people who win awards come up all shocked like they didnt know they wuld win, yet have the perfect speech prepared! I aint buying it sister! They were prepared, just in case!


  Having an expectation is great, but its only the first step on the way to manifestation. So beyond your expectation, add preparation. Its major ingredient in the recipe of success.

HELLO QUIRKYALONE

The first time i came across the word "quirkyalone" was on twitter (if you follow uberfacts, you've probably seen it too) i immediately googled the word and i discovered that is exactly what i am. A QUIRKYALONE. A quirkyalone is a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and prefers being single to dating for the sake of dating. Its not anti love. It is pro love. It is not anti dating, It is anti compulsory dating.



 The concept is founded on the value of loving yourself first(giving yourself approval so you don't need it from others).



 Many times when people ask if I'm in a relationship and i say no, the next question is why? i often reply that i haven't found the right person. They are always quick to insist that I'm too picky, too choosy, looking for Mr perfect. I'm not perfect far from it actually, so why look for Mr perfect? The truth simply is that i believe certain compromises are unacceptable, so just cos every other person is in a relationship should i settle for less, lower my standards, hook up with just anyone? never! Its not like there are days when i feel like "shacking" up with just anyone especially on certain days like Valentine's day and so on, but then i get over it real quick because i know what I'm waiting for.



  In secondary school i had a really close friend, anytime we went to eat she would order plantain, then she would pick out the oddly shaped ones and not eat them. Did that mean she was looking for the perfect plantain? i say no, she just didn't like the other ones.


  Two days ago my friend told me what she had suffered in the hands of her ex boyfriend, for two whole years she endured all the crap he had been dishing out, he would insult her daily, call her fat, an idiot, a cheap girl and all other stuff. He had even beaten as well. True, the guy was 'tall dark and handsome" but was it worth it? When i asked her why she endured all of that, she said she didn't want to "not" be in a relationship and just be single.



  My mum corners me every once in a while to ask me "how far?" and i have to explain all over again that i cant date anyone just to make her happy as much as her happiness means to me. I know who i am, i know what i want, where i want to be . . . . . i am a bit weird, i listen to Owl city, Enya, Cold play, Linkin Park, Skillet, Iron and Wine, Hoobastank, Vertical Horizon . . . . what would i do with someone who only ever wants to listen to "club bangers" who can't understand what rock is? God forbid someone who is indifferent about music! I like to dye my hair red, wine, blond, white .... what would i do with someone who is a stickler for rules and can't allow me express my self the way i want?


  I'd like to see Rome, France, Spain, to travel the world(it is my inheritance afterall) what would i do with someone who is satisfied with earning just enough for a roof over his head and "3 square meals" (i absolutely cant stand complacent people who have no dreams). Even if he is earning only enough to pay electricity bills now, he had better have a bigger vision, as Fela Durotoye once said, "go for a man with a vision, and not a television". lol, cool yeah?



  How about my love for food(as George Bernard Shaw said, "There is no love sincerer than the love of food)  and cooking, i would love to taste the Vietnam delicacy called Goi cuon, how about Gabon's Chicken Muamba and Neapolitan pizza from Italy  etc. . . .   what would i do with someone who has no palate for exotic foods?
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean these people are bad people or that there is anything wrong with them, they are just not for me. Shikena! (afterall my dad wouldn't eat Salad except his life depended on it, doesn't mean i love him any less)
These are apart from the God fearing, kind hearted, intelligent etc essential requirements. Even in the book of books (The Bible), when Abraham sent his servant to get a wife for his son he gave requirements, he didn't say bring just anyone.



   I did however realise that quirkyalone is not restricted to single people and relationship issue, it could be anything. Some people are so picky in the type of friends they have, if you fail to pass their requirements, you will immediately be shown the door. For some, its the type of food they eat and where they eat, no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise they just ain't buying it.
  

   Have you met tailors who will refuse to sew your clothes or stylists who will refuse to make your hair or make it exactly the way you asked? Its not always because they are lazy, they are just picky in their choice of clientele. 
Just think about it, how come those big designers like Loius Vuitton, Vera Wang, Chanel etc don't just create designs for everyone? Yet they are bigger designers than the ones who make mass clothings.


    Those who pick and choose really do get the best, if they are wise in the choices they make, so its not a bad thing to be a quirkyalone in anyway. Just because everyone else is studying that course, or working in that field, or wearing those clothes, or doing whatever it is they are doing, doesn't mean you have to do it too. I'd rather be alone and unique than one of the crowd.
  


  
   If there are certain things you wouldn't do even if the whole world was doing it, if you wouldn't compromise what you believe you deserve, if you are not a beggar (they say they cant be choosers)  then why feel like or let anyone make you feel like you don't have a choice. Afterall if you paid for six books and the seller gave you two, would you just accept it and walk away? No, you'd speak up and asked for what you deserve and to get your money's worth. if its that simple then why not apply that same principle to other areas of your life? why say its not the same thing? Confucius said "Life is really simple, we just insist on making it complicated"


   So the next time you are being choosy, don't feel bad, and don't let anyone make you feel bad either. That's just the way you were wired. I've heard it said that "the heart wants what the heart wants".If you are getting less than you deserve and you are unsatisfied, then say something, refuse to be that unsatisfied person. . . . . There is a quirkyalone in all of us.

OWN THAT HILL

    A couple of years ago i went with my mum to see her mum in the village, we'd been there for 24 hours and i was already bored stiff. As i pondered on what to do, I remembered i had seen some hills on the way to grandma's house, so i was off on an adventure to see the hills and take pictures.

    On arrival, the hills were a lot bigger than what i had thought, as it occured to me to climb them i began to think of all that could go wrong, what if i slipped and fell, what if i get trapped up there with no way to get back down, what if at the top there would be a snake bla bla bla bla. Truly it was a daunting task i had ahead of me, nonetheless, i remember taking off my shoes, taking a deep breath, saying to myself "you can do this girl, but brace yourself". Finally I took the first step.


   Halfway up i had become frustrated, i was tired, i wanted to sit (could i get a bed?), i needed a drink, but there were no such options available. The soles of my feet were bruised, so were my fingers, my knees were skimmed and my entire body ached. Still i soldiered on, bravely enduring the discomfort.


   In the blink of an eye i was at the top, i layed down for a minute to catch my breath, but when i got up, looked around, let it all sink in, it was more than worth it, the view was breathtaking!!! The pain and discomfort was nothing compared to the feeling of being so high up, i literally felt high, the houses and people below all looked like ants, the air was fresher, the sun was brighter, i knew all i had to do was stretch my hand and touch the sky.

at the top of my hill

   I quickly got to work screaming, dancing and taking a thousand and one pictures and soaked it all in and then it was time to get down. What i hadnt even contemplated was how hard it would be to come down cos at that point i would no longer be in control, gravity's the boss. One slip and it would be a tumble downhill to broken bonesvile (looking back now, if i had thought about coming down i probably wouldn't have gone up in the first place) i said to myself  "hey girl this place is no longer good enough for you just take the first step again" I slipped a number of times but i held firm. And eventually made it.


    As i walked away from that hill i remember taking one last look and saying to the man who had come with me "can we get a bigger rock, a mountain perhaps?" He thought i was joking and just laughed it off. From that i learnt you can't always count on people to believe in you, you can even count on them to doubt . But truly i needed more of a challenge, i had conquered this one. this was no longer that daunting hill it was a stone I had walked on. I had owned that hill! All because i believed in myself and had taken that first step. I got back to my mum and she told me the two biggest rocks in the state (Olosunta and Oroole) she said the hardest to climb was Oroole and i quickly added 'to climb Oroole rock' to my bucket list.


    No matter the journey, the task, the challenge, the first step is always the hardest because it is filled with the greatest risk. But as Coldplay said "if you never try then you'll never know" The most succssful and most unforgettable people in the world are the daring ones, those who left their comfort zones and took the risks, faced what scared them and went all in. Sometimes with no safety net. The biggest risk Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world, ever took was dropping out of Harvard to start Microsoft. How about the first man to fly a plane, the first man on the moon?


    Great things dont just happen, you have to make it happen. Go out, change your wardrobe, cut your hair, take dance or swimming lessons, start a conversation, launch your own business. Not happy with your job, get another one. i remember the interview i had with ID Cabasa(one of Nigeria's biggest music producers), he was a banker and a good one at that but he was not happy and so he quit and began producing . (Read the entire interview here http://debourgeois.blogspot.com/2012/07/id-cabasa-excellence-is-my-driving.html ). Now we all know his name...   Many times its when you have everything to lose that you must draw out from yourself the courage to proceed, that we tap into the greatness in us and gain everything.

    Sometimes the risk is not financial, its emotional, you watch the girl you are crazy about go on dates with other guys and you'd rather stay in the 'friendzone'? Speak up already, tell her how you feel, show up with flowers(i prefer chocolates but what do i know?), write her a poem, dedicate a song to her, embarass yourself  but just do something! I saw a movie where a father said to his son "all you need to get the girl is 20 seconds of courage", the boy goes for it and gets the girl. That's a movie, in real life you may not get the girl, but you'll know you tried, you'll never wonder what would have happened if you'd spoken up.

    So what, you're fourty years old and you want to go back to school to get your degree? The people who laugh at you now, will get over their foolishness in a little while. So fill the form. What's the worst that could happen?!

   Not happy with the way you look? lose some weight, register at a gym, start exercising, people will raise their eyebrows at the "fat" person running down the road, but none of that matters, once you take the first step, once you dare to face those that will mock you; you have my word, in the end, you will shock them and become a happier person.

   Never settle for less, when there is so much more you can be. Your potential has endless possibilities. I read that one of the ethics of life is that "before you quit . . . . try". Do whaterver it takes, write out your bucket list, start with something as litle as tasting a new meal (for me it was my neighbour's banga soup) to as drastic as moving to another state. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing everyday that scares you". You will have to take that first step again and again and again.


    So I dare you to grow a pair, step up and own that hill.

THAT MUSIC THING

“If music be the food of the soul, play on”

I’ve never doubted the power of music there is just something about it. The way the singer’s voice becomes one with the instruments, the rise and fall of the tempo, the way the lyrics pull at your very soul. The tapping of the feet, the bobbing of the head, the swaying of the body, the smile on your face . . . . . . yep, there’s something about music! 

There is music for today you know, that kind of song that you hear and you can dance to, the ones that appeal to the surface, the exterior, the shallow nature, the ones that aim for mass appeal and get it. It moves the body but not the soul. Yea, there’s that but that’s not it. 


I’m talking about the classics, ageless songs, you hear a song and you know instantly that when this song comes on radio in 50yrs, you’ll feel exactly the same way you felt when you first heard it. A song that you can always remember the 2W’s. When (the first time you heard it), where (the place you first heard it). The song that seems linked to a memory. 

Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die.  ~Paul Simon

That song you wished you wrote or you wish someone had written for you. The song that makes you feel special, cos the person who wrote it must have been thinking about you.

The one you listen to on gloomiest of days because it makes you feel better. The one you sing alone in the bathroom The song you left on repeat for days but every time is like the first time. The one everyone knows is “your song " The soundtrack to your life, the album for your existence.
 

Sometimes, it’s that song no one has ever heard, the one people hear and think is weird. The one you searched for, for years but couldn’t seem to find because no one knew the title or the singer (frustrating. Like the way I searched for Jesse Jags’ sugarcane baby for at least 2yrs)

The one no one gets what the fuss is about; the one no one understands the lyrics. The one that never gets requested, the one you’ve never seen the video, the 15th track on a 16 track album (no one will get there anyway). 

It’s the one that never won any awards, the one the critics condemned, the one they’ll never talk about when the band splits or the artist dies. No way, it will be on the greatest hits cd.

Or maybe it’s the number one hit, the one everybody got, the one everybody felt. The one you and your best friends rocked to, and your siblings sang along too.

 Its Lil Wayne’s Mirror, India Irie’s Little things, Hillsong’s Beautiful Exchange, Mary J Blidge’s Fine, Kirk Franklin’s I Like Me, Ja Rule’s Always On Time, Three of a kind’s Baby Cakes, 2Pac’s Letter to my Unborn child, Banky W’s Strong Thing, 9ce’s Gongo Aso, Brandy’s Aphrodisiac . . . . . . . . It’s rap, pop, afro pop, soul, r&b, gospel, rock. Its funk, garage, ragga, reggae, afro beat . . . . . . . .

 It may not be one song, it could be 2 or 3 or 30 or a 100, it doesn’t matter, anytime it comes on you know its your song (if you are like me, you wont be able to pick one anyway). Really doesn’t matter what song it is, even if no one understands; don’t bother explaining, if you have to explain it to them they’ll never truly get it ( I’ve been listening to this Spanish song by Michel telo or something, titled Ai se ta fuego or something, and I have no idea what the song means yet I love it) You cant explain it anyway!

 If a comopser could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.  ~Gustav Mahler 

Point is, they are not you, only you can feel the way you feel. It’s the one that spoke to you, afterall, who can explain that thing about music?

   check out the really cool quotes i found on music at this site http://www.quotegarden.com/music.html

 some guys went to a lot of trouble to research that thing about music "scientifically". u can check this out too
  http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/jan/09/why-we-love-music-research

Tell me what the soundtrack to your life is when you leave a post. i just might know it!

MARCO MARTINEZ AT TEN

Marco Martinez is arguably the biggest urban apparel designer in Nigeria, with the Boys Are Not Smiling (BANS) tees, Girls Are Not Smiling tees, DJ Jimmy Jatt (D3PLE J)snap backs, MADE ON THE STREET tees, the tennis designs and so many others which constantly get sold out, the fashion house definitely has its hands full. The CEO and creative designer of Marco Martinez, Paul Ade Martins,a graduate of Engineering at the University of Lagos, took time out of his packed schedule for an interview with DEBOURGEOIS and shared some of what makes Marco Martinez the power house it is.


DB - Where did the name Marco Martinez come from?
DB - My friends helped me come up with the name because then i was looking for a name (even the M symbol came before the name because i always loved superman and other comics growing up), so after much deliberation, someone said why not Marco but i thought to myself later on that anyone could be Marco so i decided to add a second name and then all the big designers had two names like Louis Vuitton, Ralph Lauren etc. So i thought since my surname was Martins and Marco sounded Italian, i should make it Marco Martinez. Also there was the Nigerian factor, there is something about foreign things, no matter how much they like it once they see that it was made by a Nigerian that's when they would turn it inside out and start looking at the thread and all that. I actually heard of someone who had sold some of my clothes and when they asked who Marco Martinez was, he said "na one italian guy like that wey come Nigeria"


DB- What made you go into fashion?
MM - I have always loved drawing and designing, i remember back in Unilag, i designed the number on the door to my room at the hostel and everyone liked it. So i thought why not make this a business rather than a hobby. I never worked for anyone, so that helped me launch early and i was able to take the risk of going into design fulltime. 



DB - Did the Marco Martinez brand start with Boys Are Not smiling?
MM - No, the brand has started way before that. Back then when people would ask me to help them get clothes, no matter the specifications and whatever they wanted on it. I would get exactly that, so they started asking how that was possible, that's when i told them i was actually the one who made them. That was in 2002 so the brand is not new at all. The BANS tees didn't get to the market till about five years ago. I designed it for Terry Tha Rapman for his song "Boys are not smiling" and the entire design process was shown on MTV, right from designing the face on the shirt to completion. That's how BANS was born.

DB - What inspired the Dj Jimmy Jatt snap backs?
MM - I have known Dj Jimmy Jatt for a long time and he'd come see me or i would go see him. but there was one day he came to see me and i noticed something odd about him, i couldn't place it at first and then it hit me, so i said "Uncle Jimmy why are you not wearing a hat" because i had never seen him without one. That is when it just clicked because I had been thinking about my hat line because i didn't think it was proper that everyone was wearing hats saying "NYC" or "ATL" and those kind of hats. Why rep somewhere you've never been, or where you are not known etc. I wanted something we could relate to. And who better than Jimmy Jatt who is an icon and is known everywhere for his love of hats. I immediately went to work designing and i showed them to him and he liked the designs. that's how the snapbacks were born.


DB - What type of partnership exists between the fashion house and DJ Jimmy Jatt?
MM - It is a business relationship as per the D3PLEJ snapbacks, but he has always been a friend and customer of the fashion house


DB - What has been the response of the international community to Marco Martinez?
MM- The response has been great, we have been getting requests from all over the world for our designs. For instance some white boys in Germany requested for the BANS tees, and i began to wonder what boys are not smiling had to do with people in Germany. The major challenge we were having before was how to produce in bulk but now with our factory we are more equipped for export than ever before. Also we have moved from a new brand to an accepted and established brand in Nigeria so now we can go into the international scene. Some of our customers buy in bulk and take it outside the country to resell.


DB - Do you have any intentions of going from urban designs to also doing couture?
MM - Our customers know we are not strictly urban because we make jackets, shoes etc, however as a trained engineer i couldn't see myself attending directly to customers, such that when we make clothes someone would come back and say "oga, i no like the cloth again or amend am e no size me" and all that, but in the next 12months we are expanding our designs.


DB - The brand's fans have remained loyal even after all these years, what inspires the loyalty?
MM - I think its just God


DB - Have you had any fashion shows where Marco Martinez has showcased its designs?
MM - Actually we have been invited to a lot of fashion shows but we have declined those invites such that some are upset with us. but we have been mostly interested in building the brand, focusing on our designs and our customers. Right now though, we are more open to doing fashion shows and soon we will begin having fashion shows

DB - There are a number of urban apparel designers in the Nigerian fashion industry. What sets Marco Martinez apart from the others?
MM - Quality, Finish and knowing what our customers want. Plus our unique designs


DB - In your view, what is the state of the Nigerian Urban apparel design market?
MM - The industry is still growing, and i believe that as much as there are lots of designers out there we still have less than five percent of the population with all of us put together


DB - If you had the opportunity to work with any fashion houses or labels. Which ones would immediately come to mind
MM - Alexander Blage


DB - Are you solely responsible for creativity at Marco Martinez or there are other persons involved?
MM - We are a company and i am the creative director. Currently, we are hiring designers to add to our versatility.


DB - How can interested designers get in touch with you?
MM - They can send mails to info@marco-martinez.com with all their previous works


DB - What are the things that inspire both your Marco Martinez creative side and Paul Ade Martins, the man?
MM - I am inspired by Music, Feelings and my immediate environment. I am inspired by what I see around me everyday.


DB - If you had the opportunity to steal three things; one body part, one personality trait and one material thing from any person(s), what would they be?
MM - Body part: 6packs from Tyrese, personality trait: Messi's humility and consistency at the top, material thing ; Micheal Jackson's Estate


Visit the marco martinez website www.marco-martinez.com , like on facebook http:/www.facebook.com/marcomartinez47 and follow on twitter @marcomartinz47

"NELLY FURTADO IS BACK"

Yea, that's right. Nelly Kim Furtado, the versatile Canadian 'Promiscious' singer is back. if you, like me, have been wondering where the pretty hitmaker has been for the past couple of years since her number one album "LOOSE"..... well, wonder no more. Her song BIG HOOPS(THE BIGGER THE BETTER) has been getting massive airplay, it is the first single off her upcoming album The Spirit Indestructible scheduled to be released in September of this year. The song is obviously not the best we've heard from her but lets see what the rest of the singles and the album itself holds. "The Spirit Indestructible" is the second single off her newest project, she says its an "ode to the spirit which lives in all of us"

      Furtado says she was inspired to write the songs by the different kinds of songs she had been listening to weeks before, songs that were heavy and "made your blood feel things" and she had thought "wow, this is really missing in music, that rawness, that energy, that power, i think music can tap into a lot of powerful emotions". the song and album is reminiscent of "Whoa Nelly" her first album released in 2000.

     I do think Nelly can do no wrong and I'm eagerly awaiting the album; with Nelly's personality and unique voice, its all good.
  
    The BIG HOOPS video is bursting with a lot of energy and colour, of course Nelly is wearing possibly the biggest hoops I've ever seen on anyone. (just in case you didn't know what hoops are, if you've ever seen those round earrings then you know it) she is walking down the street with people staring at her. and NO its not just cos of the hoops.......... I wont tell you what else they are staring at.
So if you haven't seen the video, and the Spirit Indestructible video check out both on You tube. WELCOME back Nelly!!!

RUBY "MUSIC IS ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO"

Ngohide Rubyann Gyangyan, stage name Ruby is a graduate of Economics from the University of Jos. she is one of the newest members of the LOOPY music family, the group of young and talented artists from Jos taking over the Nigerian music industry

DB - How did you get into music?
RUBY - I come from a family that loves music so much, with my mother being a singer and writer, my uncles being recording/performing gospel artists and my father an avid soul and high-life fanatic, it was impossible not to love music and make it a part of me. I remember performing in church at age 6, singing, dancing and acting. I always wanted to be a singer, a performer and an entertainer.

DB - How did you meet MI and how did you get signed to Loopy music?
RUBY - I met JesseJagz about ten years ago and he introduced me to M.I who formed the Loopy Crew. I started recording with M.I in 2005 and being a part of the Loopy Crew secured a spot for me in Loopy Music, the label recently launched.


DB - How difficult or easy has it been working with the likes of MI and Jesse Jagz?
RUBY - Working with M.I and Jesse Jagz has been a blessing. They are talented professionals who know how to ease you into the recording process and versatility is a very strong quality they both possess; this makes it easy for them to work a wide range of talents.

DB - Your style of music is different from the usual in Nigeria. What and who are your musical influences?
RUBY - I consider my type of music to fall under the AfroSoul genre. It is true that this is different from your typical Nigerian music, but it also creates an advantage for me because this genre has not been tapped into as much as others and that positions me as a pioneer. I am influenced musically by Miriam Makeba, Bob Marley, Aretha Franklin, Onyeka Owenu, Marvin Gaye, Whitney Houston, Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott, Alicia Keys, and John Legend.

DB - The Nigerian music scene has very few successful female singers. What challenges have you faced that are peculiar to females?
RUBY - I've been blessed to work with people who truly believe in me and constantly push me to be better and help me do the kind of music I do. However, it is relatively more difficult for a woman in this industry to thrive when she is not showing off skin or doing something outrageous to remain in the spotlight. The Nigerian music industry is highly competitive and I applaud all my female colleagues who have managed to stay relevant and consistent.


DB - What inspired the song OKAY and what has been the response to the song?
RUBY - My aim as an artist is to make music that is good, timeless but most of all sincere.
I drew on past relationship experiences, personal lives of close friends and relatives and recreated that in the single OKAY. Many people have written, called and sent me messages saying that they could relate to the song and some have even said it helped them get through a bad break up.

DB- When is a new single to be released? And are there plans for an album soon?
RUBY - New single will be out in August 2012. Hopefully my debut album will be released sometime in 2013; I spend a lot of time in the studio.


DB - Who would you like to collaborate with in Nigeria and internationally?
RUBY - I would love to collaborate with Femi Kuti, Asa, Nneka, Tuface , Liquid Deep, Lira, and Mi Casa.

DB - If you weren't into music what other career choice would you have made?
RUBY - Music is all I've ever wanted to do

DB - What is the one thing you treasure most?
RUBY - My Faith

DB - What inspires you as a person?
RUBY - God. Experiences. Relationships, MUSIC


DB - If you could steal three things from any person(s), one material thing, one personality trait and one material thing. what would they be?
RUBY - A penthouse apartment or a private island, Patience and Celion Dion's voice box

ID CABASA "EXCELLENCE IS MY DRIVING FORCE

Olumide Idowu Ogunade popularly known as ID Cabasa remains one of  Nigeria's top producers, ranked alongside the likes of  Don Jazzy, Cobhams Asuquo, Ty mix and other super producers. the prolific producer who holds a Bsc in Economics and a Masters Degree in Management Sciences sat down to chat with debourgeois at his Akoka studio and shared insights into what makes him the most sought after producer by both upcoming and established Nigerian singers.

DB - How did you go from a masters degree in management sciences to music?
Cabasa - before music i was a banker i worked with savanna bank and oceanic bank for a couple of years after my service year. after oceanic i decided to go back to school for my masters, it was during this period that music moved from an hobby to a real career choice. this was after a lot of persuasion from within myself and someone that i respect a lot, my pastor, who advised me to really look into music since i seem to do it without any stress. then i discovered that i was getting fulfilled unlike when i was at the bank, even though the money wasn't coming at first i was still fulfilled and with that came the financial reward. now i can say boldly that i cant compare what I'm making now to whatever i would have been making in a bank
.
DB - Why did you go into production and not singing and other aspects of music?
Cabasa - It was like fitting into the right hole. i weighed all the options and discovered that the singing side of it, i know it, i even lead my church choir and i can teach people how to sing, i know vocal harmony but my voice range would not make me a proficient singer, i am more of a conscious singer but when it comes to going the extra mile i cant do it. so what really flowed was arrangement of music, i can play virtually any music instrument that i lay my hands on and i understand how music works so that's why i went into production. all i was doing then was getting people who knew how to sing, train them and produce them.

DB - who was the first person you recorded for?
Cabasa - i cant recall cos as at 12yrs i had started going to studios as a young secondary school boy and helping people record. but when i truly embraced production some of the guys i first recorded for are still with me, like Lord of Ajasa and 2phat

DB - what was the chemistry between you and 9ce?
Cabasa - before 9ce there was lord of ajasa, ruggedman and even faze. but i met 9ce through someone in my church who was in the same group with 9ce and wanted me to work with him, there was just something about him that i liked, his warmness, he has a listening spirit and i actually wanted to train him in production. but i realised later that he had a very good voice and he is a good writer who writes lyrics. i started encouraging him to sing because he never really believed he had such vocals. He did and from there, the chemistry between us was like that of a lab mouse and a scientist. what i couldn't do as a singer, he did. it was a complimentary relationship and he could listen and take correction. he was staying with me then. the chemistry is not restricted to 9ce, its more like a coded tunes thing. for instance if you see Olamide now you will talk about the chemistry but its something that any artist who works with coded tunes feels, once you pass through the system you begin to conform to the coded tunes way and that helps to produce the best

DB - when did coded tunes become an official record label?
Cabasa - 2005. i created the record label with 2phat and lord of ajasa signed to the label.
DB - do you have any artists signed to coded tunes now?
Cabasa - im working with two new artists presently, Meaday and B rank. Meaday is a R&B singer, he is a complete singer you need to see him on the piano, he is very good. B rank is a reggae/dancehall artist. they both have singles out right now and have we are working on getting them out there. but we also have some other artists who we are still watching out for to sign but we need to be sure about them first.

DB - if you had the opportunity to work with any artists locally or internationally, what two names would immediately come to mind?
Cabasa - if you asked a young producer that question it would be really easy, but for me ive worked with just about all the big names in Nigeria, 2face, banky w, olamide, 9ce, ruggedman, Eva and all the others you can think about, i think the only big name i haven't worked with is Dbanj. so if there are any two artists that i want to work with right now they would be the two next big things coming out.

DB - how do young artists who want to join the record label get across to you?
Cabasa - there is a system here at coded tunes, first 2phat who is the managing director performs the first audition, cos he knows what we are looking for, if the person passes that, he comes to me for a 2nd audition and then i perform some character tests.

DB - Do you think there is an opportunity for other people to come into the industry?
Cabasa - more than enough, the A List artists in Nigeria are very few same with B list artists and  even C List artists and fewer producers. I'm even very concerned about that, i need more guys to come into production, I'm happy that a couple of people have come in now. because someone is reigning now does not mean your turn will not come. the stars we see in the sky are so big its said that the number of stars in the galaxy is more than the sand on earth yet there is still enough space left

DB - what inspires you?
Cabasa - I'm inspired by a lot of things but most especially the word of God, from it i learnt simplicity. i believe anything worth doing is worth doing well so the need for excellence inspires me to work hard. excellence is my driving force. nature also inspires me, after spending time at the beach and with nature i start to think of lyrics and music and by the time I'm in the studio it all comes out. also I'm a thinker, i spend a lot of time thinking especially when i travel and  i go on a lot of vacations, I'm not saying i worry but I'm a critical thinker.

DB - where do you see cabasa in the next 5years?
Cabasa - its really about where i see me but where coded tunes will be in the next 5yrs. we actually have a 10yr plan but in the next 5yrs we plan to take Nigerian music to the world. i believe that by then the international community will come to us for our music, to the point that we will be the ones signing big artists like  Akon or whoever is big then. we see ourselves churning out the kind out the kind of music the world wants to hear

DB - if you had the chance to steal three things one body part, one personality trait and one material thing from any person or persons what would they be?
Cabasa - i would love to have Daddy Adeboye's gentle nature, I believe if i have that I will live long he is so close to God , the material thing would be if bill gates could transfer his company to me, then body part would be to just add some weight cos I'm too skinny.

Find out more about ID Cabasa and the entire coded tunes family at www.codedtunesent.com.

TOSYN BUCKNOR AREA MAMA "NEPA BRING THE LIGHT"

DB - How did Tosyn Bucknor become Area mama.

TOSYN- I started out at Top Radio and began the traffic show by getting people to scream 'Area' and say what was happening in their Area
I then began calling myself 'Area Mama'

DB - Most people know you as an OAP, what other things do you do?
TOSYN - A lot o!
I'm a singer-songwriter (as CON.tra.diction). Check out www.reverbnation.com/MissCONtradiction
I'm a writer. I've written for so many magazines (online and print), and had a weekly column in The Guardian for a few years. I've also worked on television (eg, 'My Mum and I', 'Citi Sistas', Apprentice Africa', etc)
I run s.h.a.r.e, a Media, Entertainment and Networking company!

DB - What is the best part about being an OAP

TOSYN - Hard to decide!!! But music. Being around music is such a blessing

DB - What is the biggest challenge you have faced as a young nigerian working to make her voice heard?
TOSYN - No light o!
NEPA bring the light

DB - What would you consider your greatest achievement?
TOSYN - Haven't got it yet!

DB - What is the one thing that if you were ever able to do,would forever
top the chart as your greatest achievement?
TOSYN - Eating

DB - With all your achievements, what keeps you so humble and grounded?
TOSYN - God.

DB - What would you say is the driving force that inspires you to do so much?
TOSYN - I'm not completely sure. Fear of failure? Or maybe the fact that I see every day as a gift and want to make it count!

DB - There are so many facets to your personality, but if you could
describe yourself in one word. What would it be?
TOSYN - 5ve

DB - If you could steal one body part, one personality trait, and one
material thing form anyperson/persons, what would they be?
TOSYN - Uche Nwokocha's waist
Funke Bucknor-Obruthe's ability to just be and let everyone be
the richest man's money

DB - Any word of encouragement for the young nigerian?
TOSYN - Stay young and put God first!


To find out more about Tosyn Bucknor check out her blog http://speechgirlbucknor.blogspot.com