THANK YOU

I mentioned as part of my new year resolutions, being thankful. That's exactly what I want to do, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has been a part of this blog, one way or another.  Its a long list so I better get to it.......

MR AND MRS AJEWOLE, you pay for Internet.... When it boils right down to it, that's  primary.


OLANREWAJU AJEWOLE, you are a brother indeed. no one has been of greater support to me than you, always posting my blog posts on bbm, facebook and anywhere possible. three gbosa for you ma men!


ABIOLA AJEWOLE, the naughty girl I call sis, you support me without words. Don't think I am unaware oo. I see you wella


TOLU DARAMOLA, truth be told I started writing again because of how often you harass me about my blog. I hereby adopt you as a brother!
 

BUKOLA AJEWOLE, big sis, a silent supporter..........


TUNDE LAWAL aka Sir Teelaw, you made me the 4th musketeer


KIME AMOS, i was shocked when you mentioned how often you return to the blog hoping for a new post.


OLAJIDE AJOSE, for all the times you asked about my blog.


OLUCHI UZOMA, Lulu. You harass me about this blog every chance you get.


VANESSA, queen vee, just because you always leave a comment........


MICHEAL ZUOKEMEFA, well done mikelo, my sure paddy


JIDE aka Purkin Jay, you just might have set the ball rolling


KUNLE KESHINRO, you are too cool, you ask about this blog always


SEUN ADETITUN, for the contacts and always being willing to help


AJUA YANKEY, you jumped on a bike with me to go see ID Cabasa


ONONIKPO JENNIFER, i no longer call you friend, i call you sister. You always come through even when you think I am just being lazy. You don't know what you do for me


OLAOTAN AMOSU, you said you saw talent.......



MBANEKWU MERCY, for the pillar that you are



VICTOR EDIALE aka Baba Dudu, thank you




WILLIAMS ZINO, a friend to cherish. You helped even though you weren't sure what I was doing



TOLU aka Swaggertolz, you helped publicize this blog



FOYINSOLA AGUDA......


AGBANI WHYRE, for so much effort and the many contacts

Because you believe in me, I stand tall. I won't let you down

And to

PAUL ADE MARTINS, mr marco martinez. You endured my questions and the further questions.
If all the famous guys were like you..........


I.D CABASA, you allowed the honour of getting to know you. Without any hassles


RUBY GYANG, i have no words.........


TOSIN BUCKNOR aka toptosyn aka Area mama, you were my first interview, you didn't even know me


MO CHEDDAH, for your quick response

To the ANONYMOUS(ES) who leave those cool comments, we are together!

I really could go on and on and on and on and on and on......... Big shoutout to everyone who supports this blog even without me knowing it. I pray you receive support in everything you do and everywhere you go.

DEBOURGEOIS is by no means where it is going, not even close........ not by a long shot. But you guys are the oil in the wheel.

Thanks for taking the time to even read the posts, somedays I'm not sure I make sense but y'all get it.

If you are visiting this blog for the first time, welcome. I appreciate you  a lot.

If you don't have a support group, (in the words of Jay Z), I feel bad for you son. Some of these folks form a huge part of my support group, they keep me going and sometimes have to kick me in the backside to get me moving. These guys may not know my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations, but they wanna make sure I get wherever I am going! What more could a girl ask for?!


DEBOURGEOIS says a big thank you to you all. Its another year, lets do it again.

YES WE CAN!!!

THIS NEW YEAR

Happy new year everyone, i am super excited to be writing again, after taking such a long break.

I do love the idea of a fresh start, a new page, a chance to do it again . . . .  that's why i sometimes call the new year A RE BEGINNING. For me, the new year is always an opportunity to say to myself " do it again"

Another cool thing about the new year is that, because its a fresh page, it has lots of lines to write on, so when you find at the end of a line, that a mistake was made, you cancel and go to the next line.

I asked a friend yesterday if he had any new year resolutions, and he just smirked like i was being silly. so i told him i understood why he thought that was funny, no one makes resolutions anymore, they are old school and since people realised they are never able to do or not do whatever the resolution was, we all stopped making them. Then I asked a different question, I asked if he had any specific goals for the year, any targets he had set etc and he said yes. Then I asked again if he had new year resolutions and he said yes.

A resolution is really nothing more than having a resolve to do something, a firm determination for something to be done!


I would be worried if i knew anyone who has decided to let the year pass without doing something different or something better than last year. Short of someone wiping your slate clean and turning back the hands of time, the new year is one of the best opportunities to start afresh.


I have a number of "resolutions", small things really but its a decision nevertheless. Stuff like praying a bit more, doing one nice thing for someone everyday(i am proud to say i have kept this one so far), appreciating the people and things i have.......


Did i leave out exercising?


The one thing though about resolutions is that they involve an action. TO DO, you will hardly come across a definition of the word, at least in this sense, without to do, to be done, a plan to do etc showing up!


What I've realised is that we make these resolutions and literally leave them where they drop! Without any action; any conscious, preplanned course of action, resolutions are no different from making wishes. It won't do you any good.


So I know some folks(like me) have been making the same resolutions over and over again, we even decided not to call them resolutions again. I mean that's redundant. But truly a spade by any other name is still a spade, so lets just call a spade, a spade!

Last year your new year resolution was to stop smoking, and you did.
For the first four days. After that you just forgot about it and continued as usual.

One thing I've come to realise is that good things, most times, don't come easy but we give up too easily.  Forming a bad habit is probably one of the easiest things to do, forming a good one or leaving a bad one is hard.

Some resolutions are solo efforts, where you require no external assistance. Some aren't. Those ones simply cannot be done alone, without a support group (could be just one person) it might be impossible to achieve. What do you imagine AA(ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS) aims to achieve.

I always tell my "smoker" friends to stop hanging out with fellow smokers if they really want to quit, and hang out with folks who don't, but that seems like a crazy idea!

I mentioned being grateful as one of my new year resolutions and i couldn't think of a better way to be reminded of that decision than to see it everyday on my blackberry (and i look at my blackberry a lot). My status on BBM says ABOUNDING IN THANKSGIVING, each time i see that i think of a reason to be thankful and so far its working. Not so crazy, very simple really but effective nonetheless.


My point is, to achieve whatever you set out to do this year, you need to do something different from what you had done previously or to do something better than you had done before. It might be something totally crazy or something extremely simple but something must be done!


I put it to you(debate language) that the simple formula for achieving that new year resolution is
A PLAN (SOMETHING DIFFERENT or SOMETHING BETTER) + A CONSTANT REMINDER . Some formulae might even include A SUPPORT GROUP

It won't be easy, I imagine there will be days i feel like there is no reason to be thankful or I'm not feeling particularly nice, but I will keep at it. Even if I missed out for a while, I will "do it again"

So, if you are like me and have a new year resolution, to quit smoking, to get out of an abusive relationship, to get a new job, to pray more.......... whatever it is, keep at it and when you didn't, do it again. Its like saying, oh I didn't write in my diary for the past week so I won't bother writing again! That's just ridiculous.


Have any new year resolutions to share, or the craziest resolutions you've ever made? Leave me a comment!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

FACE YOUR FEAR BUT SHOW NO FEAR

Some time this week I had to run an errand for my mum. Little did I know that I was gonna have to pass through the "valley of the shadow of  death" / the "belly of the beast" to get there.


I had some problems locating the place at first, till I stumbled upon a gentleman who was kind enough to walk me to my destination. On arrival though, the gentleman departed and I knew I was going to have to face the journey back alone.


After a couple of hours, I had completed my business and it was time to leave. Just as I thought, the terror still awaited me. However, I had recently seen a movie about a guy who entered a lion's cage in the zoo to fix the gate, he was scared but he showed no fear and stared down the lion when it approachd him. So, I decided I would show no fear, I would act as though I belonged and it was "sure for me".


I was midway through when I hit a little roadblock in the form of puddles of blackened germ ridden water, I was more afraid of falling into the water than I was of the dragons around me so as I approched the little bridge , I stumbled and then I squealed ( just like a girl). That was a huge mistake because I had exposed my weakness and I had shown fear. Before I could blink, the dragons had approached me and were sending threats in my direction, but I quickly pulled back my armour and managed to escape unscathed.

That got me thinking on my way back home, that my perceived lack of fear was what got me out of that situation. Even though I was in a state of panic and I was filled with dread, I managed to cover it up with a facade of confidence.


I decided then that it was ok to be afraid, to be scared, as long as the fear did not cause you to freeze when you had to flee or flee from situations that had to be faced. I thought back to a quote from Mandela "I learned that courage is not the absnce of fear, but the triumph over it. A brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers his fear"

It hit me then, that the horror movies were right, the monster or whatever bad guy fed on fear, for instance FREDDIE in 'The Nightmare On Elm Street" or "Freddie vs Jason". "The Hole" is a classic fear based movie, everyone of the actors had to face and fight their fear .........or die, they had to expose themselves to their deepest fear and one that was done, they were free.

Fear strenghtens whatever we are afraid of, gives it an advantage over us. Exposes our weakness when we ought to show strenght. We all have fears, it is what we do about it that makes the winners and the losers. I daresay "only a fool has no fears. a wise man knows what he fears, looks it in the eye and walks away"

I have an irrational fear of cockroaches, but that does not mean if I found one on my bed I would run away! If I did, I probably ran to pick something to kill it with.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

 And as Joel Osteen said "Faith activates God, fear activates the enemy". Need I say more?

A LITTLE THING CALLED KARMA

Yea yea. You've heard it before, "what goes around comes around". The line has been used in so many songs, so many books, movies, poems. So I wonder why we choose to ignore such an amazing bit of wisdom.

All its saying is that life is a cycle. Even the earth has a circular shape, and its constantly spinning, going round and round as it has done since the beginning of time, always returning to its starting point to continue the cycle.

Any farmer knows that if you intend to reap a harvest of yam, you don't go planting cassava. They may look alike but they aren't the same, so no matter how much you wish the cassava would become yam during harvest season, it just won't happen. Or say you intend to reap a harvest of cucumber, you don't plant carrots and then hope for the best or pray for the best.................! You simply must plant cucumber.



There is a reason the bad guy always has a terrible end in the movies, its just the law of karma at work. It always seems unfair when in real life it appears as though the bad guys have made a clean getaway, I daresay however, that its not true. The bad guys never escape, we might not know where or how or when, but karma always catches up.

I read a book once which was also adapted for film titled "THE LOVELY BONES",  a story about a young girl who had been raped and murdered by a pedophile. I could tell you the story, but you should just see it for yourself. Anyway, we all thought the guy had escaped and would continue his raping and murdering spree when he met his end. For me, there could have been no better revenge for all the evil he had done but the family of the girl and of all the other girls he had killed didn't know he had received due recompense and would probably never know.


That didn't mean he had  made a clean getaway.


They say revenge is a meal best served cold. But i say, don't bother serving it at all, it takes too much planning and scheming to do what would happen naturally. If you have read Sidney Sheldon's The Best Laid Plans, you understand what I'm talking about. Personal revenge has no guarantees, it may or may not work out the way you imagined, so why waste time and energy when its bound to happen anyway.

The law of Karma is as sure as the law of gravity, possibly surer, because there are ways to defy gravity, but no escape from dear old Karma.


Karma is the law of seed time and harvest.
Here's a scenario, you work in an organisation, you embezzle funds. SEED. You leave the corporation, start your own business, after 10 years it grows into a big company. TIME. A couple of your employees get together, decide to embezzle funds or sell your company secrets to a rival company or forge your signature and sell your company. HARVEST


Here's another one. You are the player of the century, every girl is just another conquest. As far as you are concerned they are all stupid for not seeing through how phony you are. All I will say to that is , I have met a number of players in my life, most are married now and they all have daughters.


So, you are the hot cake all the married men demand. You have no issues with breaking up someone's marriage, yet you think you have a right to a happy home when you do decide to settle down? Or your kids have the right to spend quality time with their dad? Cool story babe!

Never think Karma targets the bad guys alone, it punishes the bad guys just as it rewards the good guys. Be kind to a stranger and you will receive kindness from those you didn't expect. Speak up for the underdog and advocates will be raised for you. Give and you will receive.

Remember that a small seed grows to be a huge tree.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

A couple of things first struck me before i began writing this.
First, can i still spell? I haven't written anything for about two months, so yea, that was the first question.
Secondly, will anyone bother to read this? Its been a while so i imagine folks must have given up on this blog.


Lots of other stuff crossed my mind, but those don't matter anymore. I'm writing and that's what counts. Its what I love to do and  really, that's what counts.
As i continue writing, I remember there is such a thing as spell check, so lets cross that off the list of things to be worried about. As per the second one, I write first for myself before anyone else, if anyone reads it and learns from it, its an added bonus.

I've never been much of a worrier, honestly, I'm find too many things funny so there is no way i can continuously worry about one particular thing. I lost my blackberry two months ago with all my contacts, my songs, videos, pictures...........  I was sad for about half a hour then I said "oh well, much ado about nothing" sitting here moping won't get the phone back so lets get on with the show. I'm not joking, I said that to myself.


Everyone who claims to know me, knows this. i like to laugh. I was somewhere two weeks back and i was listening to Gordons' comedy tape and it was hilarious and all i did was giggle a little, smile etc. however, if i had been at my house listening to that i would have been on the floor rolling around in fits of laughter.

I have a friend who calls me a Galatian, because its like I never have stuff to think about. But that's not the case, I do have stuff that bug me sometimes but before i burst into tears over spilt milk, I weigh my options. What will crying solve? Nothing.

There's a little mantra I say so myself "Abbey, don't worry about it; think about it" As human its only natural to worry, its a part of what we are. It now becomes your decision to keep worrying about it or to do something about it. I'm sure a couple of people wondered if there was a difference between worrying and thinking. Well dearly beloved I bring good news....... there  is

 To Worry, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary is "to think about problems or fears: to think or show concern because you think something bad has happened or is about to happen"

 To think on the other hand, is "to use your mind to understand or decide something"

I'm sure we all studied mathematics at some point and had to solve a number of mathematical questions. Well imagine you had a question like this "a mother is three times the age of her son, if she was 49 ten years ago, how old is her son now, if the son is 8 years older than his sister, at what age would the mother be twice the age of her son, and the son twice the age of his sister?" what would you have done, worry about the question? or think about the question? I can assure you that if you chose to worry about it for 5 hours, that would have amounted to nothing, you wouldn't have been any closer to finding the age of the son than you were when you first began worrying. If on the other hand, you had thought about the question, you could solve it in under 20minutes. {just in case you are trying to solve this, let me know what the answer is, if it has one. i came up with the question myself, so it probably can't be solved, but think about it and let me know}


Here's another scenario, you have a small business that needs to grow, so you spend every minute worrying about it, let me assure you, you are no closer to a bigger business than you were at the first stage. I have never met Bill Gates or Aliko Dangote or Otedola or most of those people who run these big businesses but I'm certain they didn't worry their businesses into what they are worth today.  They had a business plan, outlined their options, weighed them and thought it out before taking big risks and making vital decisions.

I daresay, that anyone who, in the words of Gordons, has moved from plot to kilometre, or to permanent site must have have thought about it. People who worry, have only worry lines and high blood pressure to show for their effort(or the lack of it) while people who think win lifetime achievement awards.

Thinking and worrying are verbs, which usually mean "doing something". However on close scrutiny, you find that one is passively doing something while the other is choosing to actively do something. You can worry anytime, anyday, anywhere, without making a conscious effort. Worrying is as unconscious and as easy as breathing. The opposite is the case for thinking, thinking requires consciously making full use of the mind. Its possible Einstein sat under that tree worrying about something before the apple dropped on his head, but we know he didn't keep worrying about the fact that the apple fell on his head, he instead set out to understand why the apple fell. It was a conscious decision.


Many times, when we have decisions to make, we insist we have thought about it when all we have done is worry about it. Worrying is so closely tied to feelings and emotions that it clouds the ability to make sound judgement or any kind of judgement or decision at all. Worrying in my little experience has never solved any of my issues, so there is no point. I don't worry, i think.


And in the words of the great Rene Descartes "I think, therefore I am"